<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Dog Days by hollermapitzi</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25198696">Dog Days</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollermapitzi/pseuds/hollermapitzi'>hollermapitzi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Astronomy, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Books, Coffee Shops, F/M, Flowers, Gardens &amp; Gardening, Grocery Shopping, Ice Cream, Libraries, Lonely Ben Solo, Mechanic Rey, Multi, Young Ben Solo, antique shop, fluffy dog Moose</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 09:41:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>24,610</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25198696</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollermapitzi/pseuds/hollermapitzi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He was about to start preparing his breakfast coffee when he heard it, a voice coming from his backyard. He froze, immediately thinking it was a burglar who had crept into his house...but then, why...was it singing? Or well, why was she? It was the voice of a woman, most definitely, quickly making him turn around and sprint towards the living room where the glass doors leading to the backyard were. As he stood there, he saw it again, the hand sticking in through the whole of the fence, noticing before anything how Moose was seemingly excited, wagging his tail, yet physically behaving passively, as he laid down in his side, keeping his face in level of the hand for it to scratch behind his ears and rub his nose.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Leia Organa/Han Solo, Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Kylo Ren/Ben Solo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>39</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. First Encounter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>“The dog days or dog days of summer are the hot, sultry days of summer." // "The period between early July and early September when the hot sultry weather of summer usually occurs.”</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben Solo didn’t know what to do. It was finally summer, everyone seeming to have taken more time planning how they would spend it rather than their own studies, as some even left before the official date, clearing out their dorm rooms, straying clear from their responsibilities for the upcoming three months. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben never really took such luxurious breaks, busying himself instead at any cost by taking summer classes the past year, and now working on his thesis, fully head into his research regarding Astrophysics. He never really took the time to plan out a vacation, not having any real close friends to spend it with, only Hux and the tall blonde Gwen Phasma as his study partners, and only on occasion, since Hux was able to get onto his last nerve with his never ending debates. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Despite not having any plans, Ben refuses to go back to his parents’ house- not his- he had not felt like he belonged there for a long time, especially since two summers ago where he’d had enough of his father and told him off on every year of his childhood he made miserable, yelling onto the last strand of his patience and slamming that door, hoping to never have to walk through it again. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> That's when the idea came to him, the place he had not visited since he was ten years old, his last years of joy, only finding it now in his studies and research. The summer house used to be the only place where all family troubles were forgotten. Where his mother, Leia, finally had time for him and could detach from her work as an attorney and founder of The Resistance organization, where she helped many other kids, but forgot about her own. </p>
<p>It lay four hours away from the Naboo University campus. There he could escape, forget and focus on the most important thing that defined his future. It was decided then, that’s where he’d go. His only reassurance being  that he would not be alone. He unfortunately had to drop by his parents’ house for the keys to the house and pick up his sole companion, Moose. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Thank the heavens, his parents were not home when he got there, leaving only a note on the fridge explaining Moose’s absence, but lying when he said he was staying over with Hux who lived three states away. He hoped they would not actually notice the missing key as they had not used it in eons either, and if they knew where he stayed, his mother would conspire against him and drag his dad to catch him at the summer house. Taking one last glance at the house, he sighed and walked out. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Moose seemed unchanged, only jumping once when he opened the door with the key he intended to never use again, but could not bring himself to dispose. Then settling on the back of the truck calmly and laying for most of the road journey, only coming onto the front seat once the old town of Jakku pulled onto the front view. He expected to face a horrid trench of a house, yet when he opened the door, moments and memories came flooding back as he took in the tidiness in which the house had remained. Ben set his bags beside the front door once he stepped inside, thinking he had come prepared enough for the remaining months of his stay. Little did he know he was not ready for the real surprise that lied ahead.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The last thing Ben could have imagined, not even in his wildest dreams was having an intruder, of sorts, in the second night of his stay. He first noticed Moose scouting around a decently large crack at the bottom of the fence, as he cleaned the pool. Not everything remained polished and untouched apparently, also leaving a mental note to repair it later, not too concerned since his dog’s snout barely fit through; not portraying any possible danger.</p>
<p>When he tried to find his dog and call him to bed, after closing his laptop once he felt done for the day during the late night hours, Moose was nowhere to be found inside the retreat residence. He panicked for a second, recalling how he usually forgot to lock the front door, the first thing coming to mind was that Moose had run away. He instead found him outside in the middle of the night, way too interested in that same crack in the fence as the day prior. Only, there was something different that almost escaped his gaze in the night dark haze, a hand that crept into his side of the fence to pet his companion on the other side.</p>
<p>By the fifth day, Moose had developed a mysterious relationship with this mysterious neighbor who intruded only with their hand. Ben just sat and watched, making sure to check out for any ill intentions.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He kept his research sessions in the living room to keep an eye out on Moose’s late night rendezvous,hearing a loud metal pang and a scream from a seemingly furious man. He immediately ran out, but only found a yellow bracelet hung on the wood of the fence, where the stranger would have been. It was quite simple, only three beads of those letters children used as decorations, the rest of them a stark yellow, spelling “Rey.” It seemed like the stranger had a name, and he would find out who it was. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The next late night, he saw Moose in the same spot beside the hole on the fence wagging his tail and sitting expectantly. After fifteen minutes went by, Moose started peeking through the hole, eventually giving up and laying down with his ears set all the way back, that being an obvious signal of sadness or distress in canines. He had read and learned all about dogs growing up; having to go from potty training a puppy to teaching him ruly and protective behavior all on his own, the dog being the closest thing to a best friend. It was true, after all, what that renown phrase stated.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Four more days went by, Ben remaining busy and distracted enough with his thesis, taking the occasional dive in the backyard pool, and driving around town and back for groceries, but despite that, his concern only grew for Moose, who refused to play catch, swim in the pool or even jump in the back of his truck to drive around and stick his head out, and instead remained next to the fence, only breaking for his meal time and necessities. Ben had left the bracelet where he kept his keys, waiting to see a hand stick into his side of the fence again and use it as an excuse to find out who it was that kept nagging his dog and had it all enamored.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> He’d had Moose for a while now, and as a big dog he was a great guardian, who would be loud whenever a stranger even came as close as walking along the pavement. Despite that, he was not aggressive, just staying wary of any new incomer of his parents’ house and would almost scan them with his eyes and nose as if to allow entry by his terms. Yet, Ben had not heard Moose bark or make noise the week prior, not once, which meant this stranger was either a ghost who haunted the terrible hut that resided next to his house or it was someone quiet, tender and patient enough to have him grow used to them and earn his dog’s trust, possibly offering a treat, something any dog loved and would obviously go back to everyday. This also meant that whoever had become his replacement as Moose’s best friend had obviously not been the owner of the angry voice he had heard, much less possibly being the owner of the bracelet.</p>
<p>Ben had been alert the first days, scared that his dog may be fed poison or sedative in order to break in more discreetly into the house, but the days went by and Moose seemed happy and elated whenever this hand would pet his ears. He never heard a voice or spotted any nail polish to create an image in his head to decide whether this person was a man or a woman, and the bracelet also left him conspicuous, as of course women tended to wear such accessories more often than men, but he couldn’t be sure or so prejudicial. Ben had to see who it was with his own two eyes. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The next day, Ben woke up at sunrise for his morning jog around the town. He didn't know anyone around in the neighborhood. It was surprising how the house had remained intact, a moment lost yet fixated in time behind his eyelids, flashes of a little boy with stark raven hair and a too-big nose running around with a much smaller Moose, with a spaceship clutched on one hand as he waved it in the air, dreaming to be the best pilot of the galaxy, just like his father had been during his racing years. The infamous Han Solo, number 12 on the tracks, number 1 on the ranks. An avid racer indeed, yet too indulged in his fame and victory enough to sabotage others, but when he hurt his longtime friend, Lando Calrissian, in order to win the renown Falcon, he immediately retracted, but it had been too late. He had already caused enough physical damage in the race and when he least expected it, his once best friend became his enemy, stating it to the public by pressing charges.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The scandal made Han Solo lose his career as well as his fame, but had led him to meet Leia, a young yet extremely avid attorney whom he begged for representation on the case, but she refused, knowing there was no way of defending his deeds. Yet, the more he begged, the deeper in love Han Solo fell for her spark and fierceness, and that’s how Ben Solo came to be. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Either way, as the years passed, Han Solo did not exactly leave his entire past behind him. He remained a man in love with his wife, but just the same, he loved the money, and ambition took the best of him, driving him to resort to selling and gambling auto parts illegally, which drove his marriage to the verge of breaking just the same. His mother was a rightful and respectful attorney who could not afford to lose her reputation by being affiliated to illegal activities, but she could not lose her husband either, taking all the years from his childhood to repair the damage done and getting his father out of the business, which had little Ben stuck in the middle of fights and screams and broken glasses and slammed doors from nights on end, only having Moose as a puppy to hold onto in those lonely nights. From a young age, Ben Solo had to mature in order to get through the loneliness, and decided he would do everything in his power to make a life of his own, completely emancipated from the havoc. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It turns out, just as he moved out to college, his father started to change, making him feel guilty thinking that it was his existence which condemned him and made his parents fight, separating himself from them even further. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lost in his own thoughts, Ben saw the curve that led to the summer house approaching as he returned from his jog; its white polished walls and dark coffee color roof sticking out among the other houses. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shucking his shoes off at the entrance, he expected Moose to jump at him when he opened the door just like he used to, yet the bear of a dog was nowhere to be found inside the house. Ben was too tired to go around looking for him upstairs, or on the yard, almost dragging his long legs inside as he felt his muscles rippling. He decided his dog was probably moping around like he had the last few days, making it futile to try and go after him. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was about to start preparing his breakfast coffee, the smell of ground coffee beans elating his senses when he heard it, a voice coming from his backyard. He froze, immediately thinking it was a burglar who had crept into his house...but then, why...was it singing? Or well, why was she? It was the voice of a woman, most definitely, quickly making him turn around and sprint towards the living room where the glass doors leading to the backyard were. As he stood there, he saw it again, the hand sticking in through the whole of the fence, noticing before anything how Moose was seemingly excited, wagging his tail, yet physically behaving passively, as he laid down in his side, keeping his face in level of the hand for it to scratch behind his ears and rub his nose. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>In that instant Ben came back to his senses, remembering he had something that belonged to that voice, he still had the bracelet. Sprinting to pick it up and back to the door, Ben breathed for a second, feeling confusingly and surprisingly nervous about this encounter, something he did not comprehend yet didn’t try to explain in that moment. He slid the back door a crack more open to fit through as slowly as he could, to not distract Moose from his stance and lose the chance to meet the owner of the hand, finding it funny how he recognized the hand as its own entity, with its own personality and now, a melodic voice attached to it which he could not tear his senses away from. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben decided he would sneak towards Moose, thanking that he had left his shoes behind, not making any noise as he crouched down slowly next to the dog, at an angle where he could see a part of who was on the other side. As the melody of the voice intensified, he heard a small sniff, interrupting whatever words the song was composed of. He recognized it was a common melody, perhaps a lullaby to send children to sleep, as it was extremely soothing and paired up with the voice, it was almost angelical. He felt surprised for a second as he crouched with the same delicacy, each second holding onto the small bracelet tighter, careful not to drop it and break the moment. He was thankful Moose had not flinched or gotten distracted by his presence, clearly as enchanted by the melody as himself. </p>
<p>Finally able to listen to the words through the muffle and strain in her voice, he was able to decipher it, as she harmonized again, singing:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “How does a moment last forever, </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> How can a story never die...”  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She seemed to try and catch her breath, sniffing as she took one of Moose’s ears and then the other, then patting his head ever so softly. Ben noticed she had small hands, short nails and worn out fingers that had a strange stain. Was that grease on them? Just then her voice continued, almost sobbing:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “It is love we must hold onto.. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Never easy, but we try”  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As she said it, she held onto Moose’s head, almost embodying the song’s words, and then suddenly, he heard her speak, normally for the first time, no melodies or harmonies. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Right big boy, that’s why I’m holding onto you.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He then heard another sniff. Did this person just say she loved his dog? After less than two weeks of knowing him, even worse through a crack on a fence? <em> She must be crazy </em>...he thought. Right then, his thoughts were interrupted once again: </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Sometimes our happiness is captured, </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Somehow our time and place stand still </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Love lives on inside our hearts...and always will” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She suddenly stopped and let out a small breath along with a chuckle, almost as if making fun of herself. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What happiness? I’ve never felt happy for more than a day in my life, big boy, but of course, you wouldn't know, you're a dog with a better life than mine, how could you not be happy?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Moose started licking her hand, almost as if he understood every word she was saying, feeling empathy, and sadness just as Ben was, deep inside his chest, surprised at how he had felt this way for the life of someone he didn’t even know, but the frustration and the sadness and the chaos her words held were almost palpable and weighted heavily in the early and warm morning. It reminded him of how odd this situation was all the same, since her hand only seemed to appear late at night, when everyone else was sleeping and he was in the living room drinking coffee and typing away to keep himself up, the only time of day he could actually concentrate completely without any outside noise, until her hand came in uninvited. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Now though, he didn't feel a pinch of spite at her audacity. All he felt was sorrow and pity for the person behind the tall wooden fence wall whom he could peek was sitting down, almost laid out on the ground with her back pressed against the fence, defeated and weak. He could feel himself clutching the bracelet even harder, feeling the need to return it to its owner but also selfishly wanting to keep it for just a bit longer, maybe staying a few moments more to get to know this mysterious entity that was his neighbor. Once again beginning to move her hand along his dog’s jaw, she continued:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Minutes turn to hours, days to years then gone </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> But when all else has been forgotten” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>and a long pause, </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Still our song lives on.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I have waited for so long though, and no one has come, I have counted the days big boy, can you believe that? I've gone mad, I know, but I’ve kept count of every day since and still do, pretending like there’s still hope, but I know there isn’t, they didn’t want me and probably no one will again, why would they?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He almost vomited his heart out, it was unbearable, how someone could endure so much pain and lose all hope, but then he remembered he had lost it as well, lost hope in the people who were supposed to love him and take care of him, but failed. The next words would definitely hurt him more, even if he didnt think it possible:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Maybe some moments weren't so perfect </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Maybe some memories not so sweet </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> But we have to know some bad times </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Or our lives are incomplete </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Then when the shadows overtake us </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Just when we feel all hope is gone </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> We'll hear our song and know once more </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Our love lives on...” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She sounded ever so..lonely, so afraid, but then, if she was, he thought, why didn't she just leave? He had done that; maybe he couldn’t say it worked to perfection but his immediate troubles were gone once he did. The deep cuts and bruises though, he could not speak for those, still pretending as if they didn't hurt, just like her scars did as well apparently. Why was she counting though? Who or what could she possibly be waiting for? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He had thought sneaking up to his dog’s intimate interactions would answer all his questions, but instead it left more, left him hurt with his chest feeling as if it were split open, wanting to also yell his pains into the rising sun and scalding air, beads of sweat from his run and the heat of the light hitting his face portrayed his nerves, as well as every feeling that weighted in his chest from her words. For a quick second, his thoughts strayed, realizing how maybe this person could be the one to understand his own pain. It had been so long since someone had, he just had not counted since.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Another sniff and ragged breath broke his thoughts once more.. which meant she was still crying. Right then he heard shuffling, but it wasn’t his dog, it was her who began to pat Moose again and noticed the grass moved along on the other end. She was standing up or crouching down like he was, noticing he possibly had been in that same position for a couple of minutes already, but her sorrow made him forget about any other thing, feeling transported. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Alright big boy, I’m sorry I made you wait and left you alone for a while, I know how it is, feeling alone, believe me I know all about it.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She left out a small chuckle, perhaps to humor herself and feel better. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Goodbye, I’ll see you tomorrow alright? I promise.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>As she removed her hand from the hole into her own side, he remembered what he clutched in his own. He had never been good in social interactions or meeting new people, but only the heavens know what drove him to forget all about it and immediately stand up, feeling his knees crunch and wincing for a split second, just to say “<em> WAIT </em>!” </p>
<p>She had already taken a few steps towards her house when he stood up, but when he opened his mouth she flipped back, her gaze and her mouth wide open, startled, and he noticed how she also retracted her right hand as if she still had it inside the hole and had been caught in the act. </p>
<p>It was gratefully sunrise, making her hazel eyes pop and look almost completely yellow, another color on her face was more than evident, as she turned red all over her cheeks and nose, which he also noticed was freckled. She was almost the sun herself, if one could even say that, with loose strands of chestnut hair loosely framing her small delicate face, as delicate as her voice. </p>
<p>She then spoke up, yet it remained a whisper, so only he could hear her. </p>
<p>“How long have you been there?” </p>
<p>The look of utter terror almost hurt him...was he so scary to look at? Or had he been too harsh with his voice? But just then, he realized something in her eyes. She wasn’t afraid of him, as she kept scanning his own face, and didn’t run away after his call out, seeming rather wary of something else that wasn’t present, perhaps the reason she whispered in the first place. He realized he had been staring as her brow furrowed, and opened his own mouth to respond. “Long enough to..” </p>
<p>“Did you hear everything?” she cut in accusingly, regretting how he had given her an even sadder expression than before. </p>
<p>“Yes,” he replied shortly, and since she didn’t speak up again, only looked down at her feet, he took the opportunity. </p>
<p>“Look I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have intruded your...personal moment, but I just needed to give this back to you.” He held the bracelet on his open palm, showing it to her and when she looked up, a glimpse of light crept back into her eyes, looking up straight to him again. </p>
<p>“Oh God, I’m so sorry, it must have fallen when..” she stopped herself suddenly, rethinking her words, as if she didn't want to remember what had happened that day. </p>
<p>“I was worried that big boy here had swallowed it, thank you.” She stretched her hand, not through the hole in his fence this time, but over it, reaching his palm and taking it delicately. He made notice once again of how small her hand was, yet calloused and stained, overworked. She rolled it back onto her wrist and looked back as he said “you’re welcome,” shortly. She gave him a small tight lipped smile, immediately interrupting herself by flashing back and stretching her hand back out at him, as if she had forgotten her courtesies. </p>
<p>“I’m Rey, by the way, but I’m pretty sure you already knew that, obviously.” She smiled nervously noticing her own mistake, but then he took her hand and shook it.</p>
<p>“I’m Ben.”</p>
<p>“Nice to meet you Ben.” </p>
<p>And just like that she let go of his hand, looking back at the smallest house on the block as a light inside turned on and noise started to rattle. “I gotta head back inside, I guess I’ll see you around?” </p>
<p>Rey started backing away and when he nodded, she turned around and sped back, entering a side door. </p>
<p>He sighed and looked down at Moose, whose tongue was hanging on one side, the words escaping his mouth before they were registered by his mind.</p>
<p>“I hope so.”</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Second En-counters</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben found it impossible to fall asleep , not being able to focus for more than a minute on the screen where his research remained untouched and unaltered as he had left it the night prior. </p><p>He stumbled and twisted and turned in his sheets, Moose by his side clearly bothered by his owner’s unusual behavior, consequently settling for the floor, evidently annoyed as he huffed and placed his ears all the way back, closing his eyes almost frustratingly. Ben could only do so much as stare, mesmerized at the personality his dog had developed. He shouldn’t be surprised though, the bear-sized pet had always stood out when it came to obedience and intelligence among other canines, or so he had noticed when he took him out on walks to the dog park so long ago. </p><p>He could not help but wonder if his parents had been as attentive to his buddy as he had been, as he was not able to take him back to his dorm, which had broken his heart. That dog was the only thing that held him connected to that forsaken place he used to call home. Now that he had him back all for himself, Ben would make sure Moose was going to receive all the attention he deserved. But it seemed like the beast had chosen someone other than his owner to do so. </p><p>Ben turned around to face the other way on his bed, still feeling the heavy weight of the conversation, or well, what he had heard of the conversation his dog was having with the girl on the other side, Rey. He could not help but ponder, trying to connect the dots and understand why she had been crying that morning, so desperate and defeated. </p><p>This girl, whom he had assumed was young and full of spark, had demonstrated the complete opposite mere hours earlier, the light returning to her eyes only when he called out to her, and even more when he returned her bracelet. It must carry a deep sentimental meaning for her, one could only assume by the elated look it had elicited after hearing her cry so heartbreakingly. </p><p>He could not get her lullaby out of his head either, replaying over and over the entire day like a broken disc. Ben could not take it any longer, he needed to clear his head and possibly even forget this encounter, or his plans of escaping his own demons and focusing on his work for the summer would completely fail. He also felt defeated, trying to run away from his problems, avoid them as much as possible, but of course the universe had different plans. It had laughed at his face and now he did not only carry his own burden, but now he could not relieve himself from this girl’s hurt expression and voice. If he could not escape the turmoil in his head, he had to escape the place that had brought it to him in the first place, at least for a while, taking the decision to change his plans for the next day.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>“Come on you beast, let’s get going.” </p><p>Despite not having slept more than four hours last night, Ben had been wide awake for his routinely early morning jog, but had planned to mix things up for his own sake, also deciding to once again take a shot at cheering up his dog, definitely made easier by the encounter with his new friend.</p><p>The moment Ben took the leash, Moose ran to his feet, wagging his tail aggressively. </p><p>“Hypocrite,” he muttered, feeling betrayed at this sudden mood change in his dog, clearly being affected as he also was by the events of last morning, just not in the same way. Moose clearly felt excited, joyous after the encounter, while Ben was left feeling mortified, nostalgic even, her pain bringing back the memories of his own. </p><p>He had left that child in the past, buried it deep within his memories, coming very close to killing it even. Ben had outgrown that traumatized kid, yet all these memories came flooding back. He had blamed the summer house of his childhood at first, but was not expecting to end up seeing himself reflected in the eyes of another, who had at first been a mystery, yet now all he could recall was the warm color of her eyes and her misery. </p><p>As he walked out of the house, he almost forgot to lock the front door, having to retrace back a few steps with Moose to pick up the  spare key under the “Welcome” mat at the front door. He made a mental note to find a better hiding place other than such an obvious one, and then locked the door. </p><p>When he started walking, Moose almost pulled him away before he halted in front of the neighboring house, taking in its rattled walls and unhinged look, as well as the many vehicle parts scattered on the sides that led to the garage, suggesting there had to be some kind of mechanic auto-repair shop business going on, which explained the grease on the girl’s tiny hands that had reached onto his own for her precious artifact that gave away her name. It was oddly fitting for the moment he had met her, both of them bathed in rays of sunshine. </p><p>Before he could walk away unnoticed, the front door of the old house slammed opened, almost thrown outwards with anger, and a big, dirty looking man walked out, on a noticeable yet not severe limp, worsened by his evident overweight and bloodshot eyes.</p><p>“What are you looking at? What do you want?” </p><p>He could only stare, dumbfounded for a couple of seconds, clutching Moose’s leash closer to him in case he wanted to lash out at the snob. </p><p>In that moment he thought back to Rey, immediately questioning: <em> this is who she lives with? </em>This man is the one who makes her feel so miserable, made her sob into the warm air of the morning they met. </p><p>“Are you deaf? Get off my lawn before I kick your ass!” </p><p>He clicked back to reality at the screams of this...beast, who didn’t even deserve to be called a man. </p><p>“No. I’m just walking my dog but-“ </p><p>His neighbor started to walk towards him, making Ben take a step back, but Moose held tight on the other end of the leash in a defensive stance, protecting him. </p><p>“If this beast monster shits on my sidewalk, I’ll get rid of him myself.” </p><p>Did he just...threaten his dog? Who the hell did this blob of a being think he was? </p><p>“I’m certain my <em> dog </em>here, has more manners than you, so don’t worry about having to pick up his shit, and concern yourself more about your own.” Ben let out without a second thought, using his height against the smaller man by taking a step forward, and pointed with his glare towards the messy front yard the idiot’s house had, making it literally a junkyard. </p><p>The man only stared, and if looks could kill, Ben would be lying dead on the pavement by now. </p><p>He broke the silence; “Now if you’ll excuse us, we’ll be leaving now.” He nudged Moose’s leash, making him hesitantly step back from his defiant position against  the man and started trotting forward down the street. That’s when Ben heard the man mutter under his breath. </p><p>“You better.” </p><p>Fighting against every urge to shut this man up for good, Ben decided against stirring things further and making matters worse, scared for Moose’s safety, as well as preventing a sure to be fist fight between the two of them, a consequence of Ben’s short temper and anger spurs he’s had to deal with his entire teenage years only worsening as he grew up, trying to find new ways and methods of keeping it to himself and not push others away but failing for the most part, that being exactly the reason why he chose a quiet and remote place far away from his turmoiled life. </p><p>It seems like he had been mistaken. Sadly for his quite friendly and welcoming neighbor, Ben would not be leaving his side any time soon, having nowhere else to stay.</p><p>Ben was thankful he had chosen to take a walk this morning on the way to the old town, instead of driving down on his truck, as the movement and stretch of his legs most definitely helped with the boiling of his blood after meeting his neighbor. With Moose by his side, he witnessed the approaching plazas and businesses of his childhood, surprised at his own memory since despite his efforts of suppressing said years of his life, the memories remained almost intact, just like the summer house. </p><p>There were many colorful buildings and shops along the road as well as downtown that he did not recognize from before. All but one that, as if placed by the unforgiving universe, lied straight ahead in his path. </p><p>Maz’s little coffee and antiques shop held the most warm and colorful moments of his summers, first going down with his father in his pick up truck, headed for some of the most deliriously tasty food he’s ever tried in his entire life, and standing above all the rest of the menu, the most basic butter breakfast sandwiches. He had been yearning for one all those years, as no amount of coffee could wake you up like that sandwich did, tasting as love itself, which is what Maz represented to him, motherly warm and happy love. </p><p>Ever since that first time with his dad, Ben had looked for any and every excuse to grab his bicycle and head down to the shop by himself, earning some scars and bruises along the way. He tried everything on the menu, and yet nothing would ever exceed the excellence of that first timer sandwich. </p><p>Ben took a deep breath before he grabbed and opened the door, noticing how the place had not changed a thing on the outside or inside. Things seemed to never age in this town indeed. </p><p>As usual, it held its fair share of customers on the sides where the round tables sat, as well as the comfortable booths on the end where the antiques decorated the shelves, as well as the books he was sure he read more than once each, the one about the planets being responsible for his fascination over the stars and the worlds beyond this one. </p><p>He had strapped Moose right outside the door, never out of his sight where he was now indulging in a cool cup of water and some treats. </p><p>Ben looked back to check on Moose one last time as he got in line, and when his head turned back he saw the same small woman staring right into his eyes by the back door, straight into his soul like she used to when he had poured it out to her on almost each visit, sitting far on the booths side, desperate for an ear to listen and guide him through the lonely times. </p><p>She always knew how to respond to him, always led him towards the right path to control his rowdy emotions and lash outs, helping him develop patience and sympathy for others (something he still struggled through to that day). </p><p>“Ben Solo,” she said simply, yet he understood everything she wanted to say just by looking at her eyes as her small frame approached his much taller one as he stood in line. </p><p>“Long time no see, Maz.” </p><p>“Look at yourself, how you’ve grown into a whole man now...” </p><p>He didn’t feel whole though, never had and probably never would. </p><p>Her spectacles shined through, taking in his new yet older appearance. She always tended to scan those who approached her with wise and omniscient eyes. It almost seemed like she had lived 100 lifetimes already and knew each person’s past even if it was the first time they saw her. </p><p>“No matter how long I’m away, I’ll never forget about those sandwiches of yours.” </p><p>She smiled tenderly at him, reaching her hands up and he crouched down as much as he could to hold- if he dared to say- his surrogate mother.</p><p>“Come here boy.” She led him towards the same table he used to sit and pour his soul out to her, so long ago. </p><p>“Now tell me, what brings you here after so long? I doubted you’d even remember the place.” He sighed, knowing what this conversation led to. </p><p>“In short, I didn’t have anywhere to spend the summer, so I came here.” </p><p>“What about <em> your </em> house...with <em> your </em>parents...Ben?” Even if she was asking, he could sense that she knew everything just by looking at him. </p><p>“That place stopped being my home a long time ago. I don’t belong there, I never did, and I don’t plan on going back.” She reached out her impossibly small and wrinkled hand, laying it atop his own on the table and patting them. </p><p>“The belonging you seek is not behind you, it is ahead. No one truly knows the ways of life, a man can travel the world searching what he needs...but will return home and find it.” </p><p>There it was, the cryptic advice she always ended their conversations with, something he did not understand at all at the moment, but would always end up living it along the way. He was not so sure about this one though, he was just a scared boy back then anyways. </p><p>Just like that, she stood up, still holding his hand, and led him to the side of the counter, where two men were stationed. The one taking the orders was a dark skinned man with a radiant welcoming smile for the customers. Ben wondered how much his face would hurt after a long day, reminding himself of why he almost never smiled, keeping courtesies at a minimum with everyone. </p><p>The other guy was preparing the orders. He was about the same height as the cashier, with wild dark curls and a scruff that suited him. </p><p>“Poe, boy.” His face snapped up, taking an estranged glance at him and then at the small lady beside him. </p><p>“Yes ma’am?” </p><p>“Give my boy here our specialty. Would you like anything else?” She looked up at him, letting go of his hand and beginning to retreat. </p><p>“An American coffee, strong please. Thank you Maz.” </p><p>“It was nice seeing you again my boy. Don’t leave this old lady waiting too long or I’ll have to grab you by those ears and pull you back, you hermit.” She turned and walked slowly to the back, a hand on her back steadying herself, which made Ben feel a prick of melancholy, seeing her so worn out by the years, but her spark would never fade. </p><p>“Order up!” Ben startled back to the counter, where this Poe dude was handing him the same paper bag as before and his cup. He worked quite fast, he had to admit. </p><p>“Thank you.” </p><p>He paid up and walked out, giving the place one last glance before closing the door.</p><p>Moose was waiting on the other side of it ready to head home. </p><p>But right then he noticed…</p><p>Is that a hand petting his head?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This is a shorty! Made this one to delve a bit deeper into Ben's past (as if the last chpt wasn't enough lol) but also to see that he has not been as lonely as he thinks in life; and as you may have assumed already...he won't be so alone for long now. JEJE</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Reencounter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>“REY!” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m coming!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before opening the side door, she paused for one second, and looked back to take one last glance at Moose...and Ben, as if pleading for help, but they were already gone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taking a deep breath and closing her eyes for another infinite second, she swabbed at her cheeks with her fingers, ironically hoping to stain there with the grease under her fingernails and fingertips instead of cleaning herself. The grease and the long hours under and inside the hoods of any and every type of car had almost worn off her prints after so many years. She was sure no system would recognize her at this point. They never had anyways, destroying her life by letting her go in the hands of such a dirty scumbag in the first place, caring more about the money and getting rid of as many children as possible than actually offering them a safe life and a happy future alongside a caring family. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She never really understood why someone who seemingly hated any other being he deemed inferior to himself would take a young child into their braces- not their care- since she had earned every year of her life at the expense of overwork and undernourishment, never once feeling cared for. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was, until two years ago, being the longest time she had ever stayed in one place after being dragged an innumerable amount of times by Plutt, who kept running away every time there was even the slightest sign of trouble. But there was something about this town that made Plutt feel safe, not giving him the need to leave and hide like the coward he was. Rey did not know what it was, and had no interest in finding out since it most likely led to a connection of people like him; suppliers, gamblers, criminals, among other fitting names for her “guardian,” who were probably close or in this same town. Even if she tried to ignore it, she could not deny it made her more uneasy than she already was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even if she had been naive once; constantly yearning for any acts of kindness from anyone, she never once doubted that Plutt only dragged her around everywhere he went to use her, there being no other person with her innate skills to repair broken things that would work for no pay, grounding her with fear and manipulation through the years in order to take her and have her do whatever he wanted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unkar Plutt was everything that could be wrong with a person, a coward, a scoundrel, a snob, and a criminal who had done nothing but and everything in his power to strip Rey off her innocence, her childhood, her happiness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As if it weren’t enough evil done to a child, he had also refused to feed her, not until or if she ever finished repairing enough cars for the day, leaving her malnourished for as long as she could remember, going to bed, or well, the couch on an empty rumbling stomach.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leaving one last breath out, Rey opened her eyes and opened the door, bracing herself for another day of hell. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where the fuck were you? I’m starving and shit’s not ready yet girl!” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>If only he knew what starving was really like</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she thought, </span>
  <em>
    <span>maybe he’d never make her go through it again</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She resolved that it was simply impossible, if Unkar Plutt ever suffered, he would make her suffer as well.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, I was-“ Rey stopped before giving herself away. He couldn’t know she had sneaked out back to see her furry friend; big boy as she had been calling him for the past week, but now knowing that Moose was his name. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But, something else had happened, she had also met the one who gave that dog its name. Ben...that had been </span>
  <em>
    <span>his </span>
  </em>
  <span>name, one he had spoken with warm and mellow, yet sorrowful and concerned eyes, that melted away with the sunrise light. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He seemed to carry all his feelings in his eyes, because once he had spoken, and called out after her, his voice had been possessive, deep and resounding, yet insecure, as if he had been acting on impulse. His voice, from the little she had heard as he seemed to keep his sentences short, never sounded angry, nothing like the screams and shouts she had grown used to.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was looking for my mag wrench. I lost it last night and couldn’t start my day without it.” Rey fought a very strong urge to smash the same plate she was serving him breakfast on, only some eggs and bread as there was nothing else in the pantry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the fuck? Is this some kind of joke to you?” He started grabbing the plate by the edges, as if he was about to throw it back for her presumed insolence. She blurted out, “No! Sorry, that was the only thing I could find, there’s no more food.” After she backed up, she noticed she had been gripping the counter top tightly with both hands behind her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And how the fuck is that my problem? You’re in charge of getting groceries remember, all the kitchen shit is your job.” And so was literally everything else- cooking and cleaning after that dirty disgusting prick- both the house and the clothes, as well as keeping the mechanic business in check as he made her fix every car that came in return for scraps of food. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite his snarky comments though, Rey felt elated, since that meant she got to go out and head downtown to see her friends, a perfect excuse to get out from under the trucks and engines and out of this hellhole.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And since you dared serve me scraps, you’re paying for the food with your own money. I know you’ve been keeping your pennies from me girl, but I’m not stupid like you, and now you’ll pay me back.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There it was, the ounce of happiness she felt immediately crushed into dust. That was Unkar Plutt’s specialty.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She collected the meager tips from the few customers of her work and saved up to buy some clothes and sometimes snacks, mostly bars, to get through the days when he denied her proper food, keeping it hidden in her shoes and some in her underwear cabinet, coiled up between the garments. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When I find it I’ll take it. It’s mine....</span>
  <em>
    <span>and so are you.”</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey felt her blood run cold, every single hair on her body standing immediately on end. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The bastard almost never said those words, but whenever he did, Rey could not help but panic. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had developed a method to keep herself calm through the years, that been a long trial and error process. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No matter how long someone could live or have lived with a person like this, no one could ever get used to being mistreated this way. She eventually came up with a phrase to repeat countless times in her head, sometimes out loud when things got worse, mostly dishes almost hitting her square in the face, not being able to dodge them on occasion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Be with me...be with me...please, be with me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a silent cry, a shot in the dark since she knew no one could or would ever hear her, much less be by her side and actually protect her. She had stopped believing long ago, in everything, including that her parents were going to come back for her, one day. She knew now that would never happen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After a long and fruitful day, Rey had worked hard and fast to earn enough tips for her errands the next day, as well as a little extra snack; a gift for herself as a pat on the back for surviving yet another week. Even if she had endured many hauls and long rocky paths, Rey knew there was always someone out there who had it worse. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stumbled into the living room near midnight, feeling her limbs heavy as well as her eyelids, and truly almost every other part of her body, including her mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yet, the moment she had curled up on the couch after kicking her boots off, her exhausted mind suddenly caught a spark, remembering that at this exact time in the middle of the night, she would be scratching behind fluffy furry ears, feeling warmth after a long tedious day come from an...unexpected source. She had heard the phrase about a dog being a man’s best friend many times before, but it was until now that she truly understood and felt its meaning. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ben wouldn’t be there though</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she thought disappointedly, surprising herself with the trail her mind was following. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even if they had only shared a few words, barely anything but their names; she was unable to think of something other than that morning, when she got to meet her neighbor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe it was the fact that she barely knew anyone from around the neighborhood, keeping her friendship list short, limited by the little time she could actually go out and see them. But Ben...he lived right next door. Maybe that morning would not be the first and last time she saw him, or so she hoped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey tried to convince herself just as hard as she tried to fall asleep, that what she was feeling was only a need for a new friend, someone she could actually talk to more often, because as much personality as his dog had, Moose could not answer back to her pleas. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Rey started to drift away, her eyes giving out just like her legs had moments ago, the answer to the doubts about her feelings came in a flash of an image of sunlight glowing over a pair of concerned yet kind brown eyes, and just like that, it vanished, and her consciousness followed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey fled the place almost as soon as she woke up, evading any possible encounter with Plutt at all costs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She decided she would skip the entire day, if possible, as any human being could only endure so much, and this week had spilled her glass over. She needed to breathe fresh air, not musky overheated air from a car engine, escape the suffocation of this place, and most importantly see her friends. They may be a small group of people, but quality wins over quantity, right?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She adjusted the buckles of her favorite garment, jean short overalls; well, one of her only ones. Rey laced up her beat up sneakers and sprinted out the door, immediately basking in the morning sunlight just like she had the day before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As desperate as she had been to escape that hellhole for the day, she found herself at a complete stop for one moment, turning around the other way and staring at the neighboring house, taking in its white polished walls and cozy look, and for a speeding second just staring at the door, hoping quite deep within herself that it would open by some miracle, and see Moose and his owner walk out and greet her. Much more delusionally, perhaps...just perhaps keep her company as she made her way to the old town. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But just then she snapped back to reality and remembered , she could never be so fortunate.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Many would consider grocery shopping and running errands a nuisance, a meager annoying obligation of life we must all tend to, a waste of time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was not the case for Rey; even if she was literally obligated to attend to these matters, she did not relent in feeling angry or frustrated at things that could give you opportunities, no matter how big or small. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took her time, basking in the groceries, feeling the colors and textures of all the produce she chose to take like a child who had never been out before.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She rounded back to the thrift store, picked up a pair of shirts and toiletries. If Plutt was going to make her spend her money, she would make sure to give good use to it, double checking that she had taken all of it before she left the house and not leave a single penny behind for him to find.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey did not mind a single bit about carrying all those bags because it made her feel strong, a reminder that she could endure through tough times and good times, which was sure the one she was having right now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But after all the buzzing around, it was time for a break, and she decided to take it at the only place she felt was closest to her home in this entire town. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sound of the entrance bell chiming could be heard as she rounded the corner, taking her some time to actually get there as she kept getting distracted with, well, almost anything new she spotted through the shop windows, and the people that surrounded her, making her feel embraced, almost swarmed whole. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Antiques and Coffee shop had been the first place she visited after arriving at Jakku. The place, she had learned, was perceived by many people from the suburbs as forsaken and forgotten, only for retirees to live and others to run to in order to isolate. She figured that was just not entirely true, since this had been the most lively and colorful place of all she had resided in before, and that was something she called on before even meeting her friends, there being no bias. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Taking a rest and setting all her bags on an outside table before entering, Rey noticed a very peculiar body of fur laying beside the door. With its head on the floor, looking quite gloomy, and also exactly like...Moose! </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was him, she noticed, not taking longer than a second for her eyes to pop open, and without thinking it twice she lunged on to pet him, not realizing her foot was still placed under the chair which knocked over, followed by the entire table as her bags along with all the items in them flew mid air.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh for fuck’s sake!” Rey yelped, distracting most of the customers sitting outside of Maz’s shop, making her flush from head to toe, but then dismissing their intrigued looks to fix the mess she’d made. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Moose had jerked up on instant when he recognized her, but was now sniffing the cans and bottles scattered on the floor near the entrance door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do these things only happen to me” she muttered, lowly to herself as she kneeled to reach for the produce. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ow, fuck!...Oh come on!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had scraped her knee open when she fell, not noticing until she crouched back down, small droplets of blood now on her fingers, which she licked away and swabbed back down onto her knees to stop the bleeding at least for a few seconds. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey was used to cuts and bruises after hours spent fixing and replacing car parts, as well as some mild burns she had to figure out how to tend to on her own, back when she was still learning. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi there big boy, I know, I know I’m a clumsy mess, but stop looking at me like that you scruffy looking nerf herder.!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She internally laughed, seemingly not over this beast’s comical personality and their ridiculous yet joyful encounters that had been going on for over a week now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pet his head as he lapped at her fingers, seemingly also noticing the blood that was once there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing here all alone though? It’s really hot out today... oh but you’re alright, you have water right here. Hmm, how does a treat sound then, any good boy loves treats right?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not only did Moose have a bold personality, he also had been well taught on obedience and was therefore quite smart on his own, seemingly able to decipher what “treats” meant. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey could not stop her beaming smile as she reached out to grab one of the snack bars that had darted out, handing Moose a small piece as he wagged his tail so wildly it seemed to fan the air around them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who’s a good boy huh? Has Moose been a good boy?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In that exact moment, the doorbell chimed, and-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Both Moose’s and her head snapped up as if they had been caught doing something mischievous. Just the same, she felt her heart drop and race at the same time, for some unknown odd reason she did not know. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben!” she beamed, almost a bit too excited for her own liking, immediately hiding the open bar behind her back even if she knew he had seen it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi...um, how are you?” She scolded herself and awkwardly bit her lip, looking down and thinking she could have said something more interesting and not act so weird around someone whom she only met yesterday, virtually a stranger. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was his dog’s friend, not his. </span>
  <em>
    <span>But you want to be</span>
  </em>
  <span>, her mind traitorously thought. Maybe talking to a dog for so long had started to mess up her synapses.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>alright?” He replied, clearly emphasizing the focus of his concern on her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he hadn’t seen her fall, right? Did she really look and sound so out of her mind? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He held a schooled expression, cold and stern which seemed to be his default. But his eyes, </span>
  <em>
    <span>as usua</span>
  </em>
  <span>l, she thought, spoke differently, shining concern and wariness at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m fine...why? Is something wrong?” She looked around, perhaps she had left a few things thrown out and he must have assumed what had happened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey, you’re bleeding.” He said as he scanned her, looking back from her eyes to her kneecaps which, she noticed,  now had trickles of blood running down, almost reaching her ankles. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, no it's alright! Don’t worry, it doesn’t hurt.” She immediately reached down to swipe the red off her legs, low-key ashamed he had seen her like this, but thanking the heavens he had not witnessed the actual chain of events that led to her scratches. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No wait, don’t do that. Let me help you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben, you don’t have to, seriously I’m alright, it’s okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As clean as I try to keep this monster, a dog is a dog, and he will always scramble in the dirt. And you were just petting him, so swiping at your open wounds will most likely result in an infection. Now, do me a favor and sit down, please.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He may have sounded demanding, but it was completely shadowed by his genuine concern that seared into her eyes with his own, so she complied almost on instinct. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He kneeled down beside her, the bottle that had been next to Moose’s plate to fill it in hand. When Ben’s fingers grazed her knee, her blood ran cold and burned at the same time, and she was sure not only the skin there but on her entire body had goosebumps. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You may feel a sting, just warning you so you don’t kick me square in the chest if you flinch.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Perhaps it was her nerves, or maybe it was that sudden sense of humor he had just unveiled. Though it was something so simple and nonchalant, she couldn’t help but let a small giggle out, clutching the edge of her jean short overalls with one hand, and not noticing she was holding tighter onto the edge of the seat with the other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve gotten hurt before, you know, and anyways it’s not that bad, so don’t worry, I won’t kick your face.” She retorted, immediately catching on her own breath the second Ben moved his hand onto her other knee to clean, and it wasn’t because it stung, but she could not admit that to herself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t so much as flinch at her response, even less to the quite obvious reactions she was having by the touch of his hands, seemingly big and strong but still somehow gentle, almost caressing the skin there which was most likely just swiping off the dirt she had put there in reality. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d wrap you up if I had an extra shirt or something, but Maz must have some remedy or ointment, as all old ladies do.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, he knew Maz, her probably being the closest thing that could ever come as close to a mother of her own, never receiving such kind affection ever before in her life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know Maz?” His eyes darted up, searching her face, clearly puzzled by her intrigue. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That crazy old woman? Of course, she’s like a mother to me.” Rey almost let out a gasp, and as much as she wanted to, she held her own against spilling intimacies at a man she had just met. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Life had made her a wary creature, alert and ready to fight or flight at any given moment to keep herself alive. Because that’s what Rey did, she endured, and she survived. But was surviving enough if you’re not actually living? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stay here, I’ll be right back with anything I can get.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, wait!” She mirrored his own words from last morning and without realizing latched onto his wrist to have him stay. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to see her, I’m coming with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “No, you have to rest your legs or else they’ll sting, don’t move.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben, I just scraped my knee, I didn’t break a bone. I’m fine. And anyways, I’m coming in to get what I came here for in the first place. What’s better than green tea and honey to heal?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He just looked her up and down, as if registering her wounds to make sure it was safe for her to walk and just gave her a tight nod, opening the door and waiting for Rey to hoist herself up, as she held out her hands indicating she didn’t want any help. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t forget the other things you dropped or this monster will leave no trace of their existence.” She could not stop the heat from rising to her face, immediately giving herself away and letting him discover she had indeed fallen to the ground ridiculously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After picking them up and once again refusing his help, she scurried past him to enter the door and order her tea, as he walked towards the back door to Maz.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Peanut!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi Finn, Poe.” She saluted by winking at the curly haired man who stood preparing yet another cup of coffee. Today was a busy day for everyone it seemed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ve missed you honeybee. Todo bien en casa?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After two years of hearing Poe curse and retort back at them in spanish. She had caught up on a couple of his phrases, and could understand them only after Poe explained to their dumbstruck faces, but kept failing any attempt at pronouncing a single word.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m hanging in there. I'm alive, and that's what matters though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That made Finn react, looking up with angry eyes. “Rey, how many times do we have to tell you, you can always come and stay with us.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t put you in danger Finn, neither of you. You know how he is when I'm not there to attend him. And besides, I’m fine, I don't want to be a burden, I have to make a living for my own.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s the thing, what you're going through… that's not living Rey.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As concerned as we all may be-” Poe cut in the conversation, “- I think we know Rey is strong, but stubborn. We have kept an eye out for her...and always will ok? Now who’s the guy who came back in with you hm?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course Poe would be intrigued, he was always the spark that would light a fire on any rumor around. Good thing not much happened in this small town, or else Poe would not have stopped chit chatting about it or let her go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You're always assuming the worst of me, Poe. He’s my new neighbor...do you guys know him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We just saw him for the first time today, but he seems to know Maz pretty well. They went to the back table where you read and had a looong chat.” Finn leaned over the counter and whispered, as if he were revealing some federal secret.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you seem to know him well, don't you Rey?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She rolled her eyes at her friend. “Like I told you, we met yesterday, and he was just helping me after I fricking landed on my face where everyone could see.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ja! Then I hope he takes </span>
  <em>
    <span>good </span>
  </em>
  <span>care of you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s enough of you both. Rey has harder things to handle, like her job and living with that snob.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Poe whipped around from where he was polishing a plate to look at Rey and check if she had also noticed the double entendre Finn had not considered before saying. She just turned beat red from head to toe as Poe stood there, dumbfoundedly staring at Finn’s back where he took another order, only noticing now just how long she’d slowed down the line. They didn’t seem to mind though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And </span>
  <em>
    <span>I am </span>
  </em>
  <span>the moron, right?” She just giggled as he handed her scalding cup of tea and irreplaceable spoonful of honey, the reason why she was now called that around here. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seeing that Ben had not returned, she took a seat at the table Finn said he sat at with Maz, surprisingly the same one she spent happy afternoons traveling from terrains where the most beautiful flowers grew all the way to outer space, hours and hours digging deeper and deeper into the same books she reread given the chance, but never growing bored.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I got it, you got your drink?” Ben pulled her nose out of the book she had taken out, quickly returning and marking the page with a little fold for later. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but where’s Maz? I thought she was coming with you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s busy right now, but she sent you some bandages and healing cream, as I suspected.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stood up, taking the things from him, surprised at her leap of courage. Did this tea have something funky in it? Poe couldn’t be capable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben, thank you so much for helping, but you have to understand that I’m fine, and I mean it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They had practically only been with the other for no longer than 15 minutes in total today, but she felt as if she had met him before, perhaps in another lifetime, she did not have any other explanation for their sudden familiarity. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright then, tough-stuff, but at least let me help you with all those bags or else you’ll truly break something this time.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t refuse, not considering it for one single moment.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Longest chapter yet...but worth it I hope :)<br/>Would you like me to add pictures to the next chapter to see what I imagine as the settings/their looks/inspo/etc? I could also make an interlude chapter just for pics, or would that be weird? idk lol, LOVE YALL</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Counting Stars</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> “The belonging you seek is not behind you, it is ahead. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Take care, dear Rey.” </em>
</p><p>And there it was, another one of those mysterious advices she always got after any encounter with Maz; written on a small card from her shop, enhanced by the flowers Rey so dearly loved to read about.</p><p> </p><p>It had been two weeks since the last time Rey went out, the last time she saw her friends and breathed fresh air, the last time she sighed dreamily at the shop windows for all the pretty dresses and flowers. </p><p> </p><p>But also two weeks since she met... Ben.</p><p> </p><p>The walk back had been so...refreshing, but a bit awkward at the same time. She could feel him look back and away from her as she was led by an overly excited Moose, holding his leash while Ben took all of her bags, refusing to let her carry any. </p><p> </p><p>They talked almost every late night after that, small and random conversations that any would pass off as meaningless, but it only made her grow fonder and fonder of her neighbor. One could say they were almost...friends.</p><p> </p><p>She felt ridiculous deep down, it had just been one week, just seven days of leaning against the fence and learning, well, not much about his past, instead more about his present personality.</p><p> </p><p>Ben was quiet, reserved, calculating and brooding, almost as if he had tried to verbalize his feelings so many times before but had just given up eventually.</p><p> </p><p>He was smart and patient, explaining all of the constellations that shined above them one night, while she just smiled and connected the stars to create shapes and ask if he could see them too. He usually just agreed, and she thought that maybe, just maybe, it was to let her dream.</p><p> </p><p>But when he had pointed out the planets that could be seen from where they were, she had picked herself up from her side of the grass, mouth agape as she gasped and asked him to tell her all about it. </p><p> </p><p>“If you look a bit to the right...can you see it? That’s Mars.”</p><p>“What?! But, how is that possible?”</p><p>“It’s more than possible, especially on summer nights like these when the sky is clear.”</p><p>“That’s incredible,” she sighed, “cause it’s like 30 million miles away and yet, I feel like I could reach out and touch it.” She lifted a hand up to the sky, letting it linger there until gravity decided on which side of her it would fall on.</p><p> </p><p>“How did you know that?” He asked monotonically, but she could tell he was surprised without having to see his face. Although you would not be able to tell from his expressions either, as he always kept a stern, straight face. </p><p>“What?” </p><p>“How far away it is.”</p><p>“Why does it surprise you?” Rey jumped, feeling a tinge of spite at his doubt. She may spend her days inside the bellies of cars and covered in grease but beneath that there’s a strong and bright girl, just like those stars they were staring at, she just didn’t admit that to herself sometimes. While others...well, they made sure she did not feel strong or bright whenever they could.</p><p>“That’s not what I meant. It's just...surprising, and nice when someone shares your interests.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey could not help the smile that elicited, out of some sort of pride at catching him off guard with her knowledge, and the fact that he had just admitted that she made him feel...nice.  She was glad he could not see her as she blushed, pressing her chest to her knees embracingly and incandescently happy.</p><p> </p><p>For some odd reason, she liked it when they just stayed seated on either side of the fence, as it gave her some blind courage of not having to say intimate things to his face. </p><p> </p><p>Rey had never felt like this before, always sharing her feelings and thoughts with ease when she felt comfortable enough with someone to do so. It was not that she felt uncomfortable around Ben though. On the other hand, it was during that one week of late night conversations, where there was actually someone who could respond on the other end, when Rey felt peaceful for the first time in years.</p><p> </p><p>“How could I not be? The vastness is just so fascinating,” she left out in a wondrous sigh. </p><p>“The universe is literally an empty void, a vacuum, and yet it’s so full of infinite things we don’t and may never know about.”</p><p> </p><p>She could see Moose resting his head on Ben’s lap as she laid sideways, perching her head up on one hand, heart clenched and warm all over. It must have been the summer air...right? </p><p> </p><p>“Where does your interest come from, if I may ask?” He resounded, making Moose’s head jolt up in surprise at his owner’s intrigue, just like herself, making her giggle nervously.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, from books. A book, more specifically, from Maz’s shop. It’s my second favorite. But you could say that anyone could get enamored just by looking at this ocean of endless stars.” </p><p> </p><p>Just then, she spotted Ben’s hand stop petting his dog’s head hastily, his body shifting as if he were to stare at her, forgetting there was a fence in the way. If he was surprised again, he didn’t mention it.</p><p> </p><p>“Your second favorite, hm. Which one’s the first then?” </p><p>“Now you hold on Solo, don’t I get to ask you a question too?”</p><p>“You just did, my turn again.”</p><p>“Oh, so that’s how it’s gonna be?,. In that case...“ She started to shuffle up to stand, half heartedly and jokingly, just to see how he would react. </p><p> </p><p>“Good ni-“</p><p>“No wait, I was kidding. Go ahead.” </p><p>Now that’s what she called a nice save, and the one she was hoping for. </p><p> </p><p>“That sounds more like it. Alright then...same question. What got you sooo into the cosmos.” She beamed with a playful tone as she wiggled her fingers and bit her lip.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s what I study, actually. My career is based on it.” </p><p> </p><p>“My goodness, that sounds like a dream. Go on, tell me everything.” </p><p> </p><p>After that cue, Rey swore she had never heard anyone talk so passionately about anything. All the stutter and nerves in his voice completely absent. She felt as if she had just read an entire book on the topic once he was done, enlightening her more by the second. </p><p> </p><p>Breaking his trance, she took the opportunity to try at least once more to make him chuckle, just once, that would be enough. </p><p>“Prove it.” </p><p>“Excuse me?” </p><p>“I dare you Solo, to name every star in this galaxy.” Rey just tested the waters, maybe the ridiculousness would fit his humor, though sarcasm seemed more like it.</p><p>“If they all had names, it would take more years than we could both live combined, and I’ll probably bore you by the fifth one. So no, I’ll pass.”</p><p> </p><p><em> I wouldn’t get bored, even if it takes the rest of my life, </em> she thought, as she grinned up at the sky once more, probably the third time this evening, hoping for a shooting star to make an appearance. </p><p> </p><p>But little did she know that Ben Solo, on the other side of that fence, was thinking that if saying all those names would hold her back just for a while longer, he’d make up a hundred billion of them if he could.</p><p> </p><p>“Your defiance will shake the stars, Ben Solo.” Rey swore she had heard the tiniest of chuckles in that moment.</p><p> </p><p>After that she had gone to sleep, and so did he, leaning into the hole to see the fluffy beast’s face, only to earn a tongue lapped straight on her face which elicited a giggle that hung in the air. Once they bid their goodnights and she walked towards the door, making her greatest effort not to look back, she could almost swear she saw a curtain close on the window that stared right into her living room, just as her eyes closed. </p><p> </p><p>It was in that moment that she realized she had dazed off within memories, still staring blankly at the card that was now wrinkled on the edges. She set it down on the table beside the couch, and replaced it with her mag wrench, something she could not afford to let go or lose, both financially and sentimentally, but that was a long story for another time. Right now, she decided to focus on replaying those memories as she drifted off, hoping they would turn into dreams. </p><p> </p><p>Going out to see her friends made her feel happy, elated and bright, but it was only temporary, as the fear of having to go back to her house always crept in. No matter how long she had resided with Plutt, it only took the mere thought of walking through the front door into that hellhole to make any other happy feeling retract, left her feeling cold and distant. Finn and Poe have become quick to spot these instances over the years, and tried anything in their graces to make Rey feel like herself again, even if it were for a short time. </p><p> </p><p>This week though, the feeling remained, consistent in her mind as she waited desperately for the day to darken so she could go back to the division between their houses. She did not feel scared of going back in her house anymore, she only wondered how long it would last. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>//</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The book. His book. The one that had started it all. His passion. His career. His future.</p><p> </p><p>She had read it. And it was one of her favorites. </p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t believe in destiny or divinity. His field of study and work clashes with the spectrum that explains the existence of higher ethereal beings controlling the universe. We’re all just a cluster of cells, specks of dust in an infinite cosmos.</p><p> </p><p>This was just a mere coincidence, it had to be. Or at least that’s what he tried to convince himself of as he typed away on the couch, Moose nuzzled by his side. </p><p> </p><p>He’d been playing on this routine since that day, when he found out they shared more than just a backyard, but also a love for the stars, ignited in the exact same way. </p><p> </p><p>He waited for the lights to turn off in the living room of the neighboring house, where perhaps Rey was, just as restless as himself. </p><p> </p><p>With the excuse that he had been slacking off from what he originally came here to do, Ben stayed up, settling for the seat that faced straight into the paralleling window. </p><p> </p><p>He would not move until he felt sure she was asleep, or at least safe, keeping vigilant for any screams or loud noises like the one he had heard the day he found her bracelet. Ben was not able to imagine what could’ve happened that morning, but could not bring himself to ask either. Since it had left her so wrecked, the last thing he wanted was to remind her of it in any way, instead seeking to keep her entertained at any cost. He had struggled with himself growing up when it came to socializing and getting along with others. </p><p> </p><p>It had started from a young age, the alienation set upon him for his “weird” looks, which had developed into insecurities of almost every social aspect, the most evident was being unable to keep fluent conversations. The thought that he bored others whenever he spoke has haunted him ever since, and the resounding grave toned voice puberty gifted him did not help much either. </p><p> </p><p>Hence, Ben usually kept things direct, short and clear, especially when it came to his interests, which were the only thing that could make him talk for hours on end. If only he could find the right person to do so with.</p><p> </p><p>Or maybe he already had... </p><p> </p><p>Just in time to completely derail his train of thought, Ben was alarmed by a raging Moose, who decided to speed onto the coffee table and jump off to follow a wandering squirrel outside. The mongrel only seemed to be fond of intruders who were small, cute, with hair the color of hazel nuts, but also called Rey. </p><p> </p><p>Did he think she was cute? </p><p> </p><p>With a loud thud, a five hundred or more paged book fell onto his toe</p><p>“For fuck’s sake, I’m this close to leaving you outside tonight you bastard!” He exuded at the beast who was to blame for such mayhem. </p><p> </p><p>He’d brought the book along for almost no good reason, the first one his father had gifted him before he went off to college for his freshman year. But now he had all the texts he needed one click away, all the updated versions one web search away, saving you space and money.</p><p> </p><p>When he picked up the book, it was as if a lightbulb erupted from his head into the air and lit up, as if he were a comic book cartoon.</p><p> </p><p>He knew someone who would enjoy that book, give it good use instead of leaving it to pick the dust of regretful memories.</p><p> </p><p>And maybe he could get one of those gleaming smiles of hers...</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>//</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When Rey sneaked out the next day, she almost jumped at the sight of a silhouette standing imperatively with its back against the fence, holding something open on the palm of one hand, and a flashlight on the other, giving away the open pages of a book, and the blue color of his flannel with rolled up sleeves.</p><p> </p><p>She had never truly processed just how impossibly tall Ben was, the edge of the barrier reaching under his arm, while it only reached her chest if she stood on her tiptoes. </p><p> </p><p>Ben had always waited on the ground, where he couldn’t be seen from the other side, and responding once he felt the grass shuffle under her. It almost seemed like he mindlessly understood the silent yet ominous danger that hovered around them every night. Their low voice and short encounters held an unspoken agreement, making their late night conversations feel almost...forbideen, but good at the same time. A guilty pleasure, if you will.</p><p> </p><p>She always left her heavy combat boots behind when the day was over, letting her bare feet feel the silky grass at least once. It felt like freedom, but now she mindlessly thanked the act, as it helped her sneak up to him without making a sound. </p><p> </p><p>“What you reaaadiiinnn’?” She murmured next to his ear, with the tiniest of voices possible as she pushed herself up on the edge. </p><p> </p><p>“Holy shit, Rey.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and then wiped at his eyes in joking-like frustration, she hoped it was just amusement, letting out a giggle because she had finally elicited a bold reaction from this cold rock of a man.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, I didn’t hear you coming.”</p><p>“Hm, that’s like the whole point.” She raised an eyebrow as she spotted him try to hide the object he held behind his back.  </p><p>“What you got there, mystery man?”</p><p>“Um, well, it’s something for you.”</p><p>“Wha- for...me?”</p><p>“Yeah, I thought you’d like it.” </p><p> </p><p>Her breath hitched as he unfolded the arm and held out the object in question.</p><p> </p><p>It was a book, of course it was, she had seen its open pages just a few seconds ago. Still, she was taken aback, not only by its extensive girth, vintage star spangled cover resembling the night sky, and bold, elegant title letters spelling “Death Star: Dark Side of the Moon, by Darth Vader,” but also by the gesture, which quite literally left her breathless.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh Ben, you didn’t have to...”  She slowly reached out, but only held the corner of the cover and slid a finger over it, almost a caress to something so precious. It was the most beautiful book she had ever seen, and her eyes and fingers almost itched to learn just how much better it was inside.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t worry about that, it was just there collecting dust, so you may find a few scribbles here and there... sorry about that.” </p><p> </p><p>She didn’t mind, not one single bit. On the other hand, a book annotated by him only hexed its value by the thousands, if not more.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben, it's beautiful, really. It's just that-“ She held onto that edge tighter, but not enough to take it off his hand. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m afraid I can’t take it.” The furrow of his brows and quick glance up made her feel shattered, pained, perhaps what he was feeling too. Damn this man and his ever expressive eyes that held the power of a supernova.</p><p> </p><p>“I understand if you don’t want an old book, I’m sorry, but the content remains perfectly relevant. It’s a relic, almost.” He began to retract the book from her hand, eyes at half mast but keeping a schooled expression, as usual.</p><p> </p><p>“No! Wait, please Ben. It’s not that at all. It’s just- I’m afraid that if I take another book back, it’ll be torn apart.“ </p><p> </p><p>“Torn? What do you mean?” Just by the look in his eyes, she knew that he understood there was something else, a darker intention behind it all.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben… the day we met, I was crying. Do you remember?” She looked up, and coincidentally, that same concerned look of the day she was speaking of was present in him, of course he remembered. Ben just nodded, speechless.</p><p> </p><p>She paused, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes to calm her nerves. It was time to release those demons, and truly see if she had finally found someone who would not just listen, but understand. </p><p> </p><p>When she opened her eyes she took a quick glance back at the house, just to check if the demon she was about to mention would not be invoked.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey?” A surge or warmth ran up her arm, as he took the hand that was still holding the corner of the book. She let out a shaky breath, and continued. </p><p> </p><p>“He says that books distract me from... what I’m supposed to do, my job. I fell asleep as I read, and when he found me with it in the morning he-“ The tear she had been holding back rolled down her cheek freely, just like all the pain in her chest, all the weight being lifted as the words escaped her mouth. </p><p>“Did he hurt you?” He cut in frantically, clutching the book back, not to take it away, but to bring her closer. </p><p>“No, he ripped it apart, page by page. But it hurt just the same. And I wouldn’t forgive myself if something happened to yours, Ben.” </p><p> </p><p>When she looked up she noticed he was breathing heavily, and staring blankly at the house behind her, a tint of spite in his furrowed brows and dark eyes. </p><p> </p><p>“Rey, I won’t get mad if something happens to it. But if it puts you in danger, I understand. You don’t have to take-“ </p><p> </p><p>She looked up with resolve in her eyes, gathering every last bit of courage to place her other hand on the book and taking it, immediately missing his contact. </p><p>Enough was enough. She would not let the monster in that house destroy every single thing that reminded her of freedom, she was strong, and not accepting the book would only be recognizing her defeat. </p><p> </p><p>“No. I’ll take it. I know where I can keep it without being bothered.”</p><p> </p><p>The bright smile she gave him in that moment seemed to wake up the nightmare she so feared, as the lights inside turned on, the same way they were interrupted the first morning. </p><p> </p><p>Was time repeating itself? Or was this just a joke from the universe they so loved to gaze at?</p><p> </p><p>She wanted to bury herself in the ground and let it swallow her. Such a perfect moment, completely dismantled by pure fear. It made her feel so vulnerable and broken once again.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben I’m so sorry, I think I have to go.” She hurriedly scanned the house behind her once, internally groaning because she had to leave him so soon. </p><p> </p><p>Rey felt like she could not just end the night here, when Ben had been ever so kind. </p><p> </p><p>Without thinking it, she swung the hand that wasn’t holding the book around his back, stretching onto her full height and pressed them both close, as she held the book to her chest with the other. </p><p> </p><p>“Thank you Ben, you don’t know how much this means to me.” Ben remained stiff, perplexed, but when she receded to bid him goodbye, he reached out and grabbed her hand, keeping her there. </p><p> </p><p>His gaze was demanding enough to make her move her own to match it. </p><p> </p><p>“Rey, will <em> you </em>be alright?”</p><p> </p><p>His honest concern made her smile widely, not being able to contain it, and not wanting to either.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah...I think so. Good night Ben.” </p><p> </p><p>He didn’t feel like letting her go just yet, he didn’t want to, but the cruel universe had other plans.</p><p> </p><p>“Good night.” </p><p> </p><p>Ben let go of her hand hesitantly, and watched her walk away and take a few glances back, still clutching the book to her chest, right over her heart. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>sorry for the delay, made a little playlist inspired by this story to make up for it (and im updating it frequently) https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0jClTPyomjEgqDSukij4n0?si=st1F_uriQF6D10Jod-G_gg</p><p> Get ready for a good load of backstory in the next chapter, im soo exciteeed!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Counterattack</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>first and foremost, thx to the beautiful Lara @DYADOLOGY (on twitter) for beta-ing this chapter! U are the best. Second, thx for the wait, next chapter will have some deep delving into Ben's family (as if we haven't had enough, ik, but it'll be GOOD)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Warm.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Very warm.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hot. Scalding.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>What the hell?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ben was woken by the furnace feeling of the covers that embraced him. Moose had long abandoned his side and now laid on the floor, clearly not able to handle the heat either. He tore the covers away which were now drenched in sweat- just like his pillows, clothes and hair tendrils that now stuck to his forehead.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Did he have a fever? It couldn’t be, he didn’t feel sick yesterday. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Then what the hell was going on? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>No more days could be wasted with distractions and daydreams. Ben needed to catch up. Every ounce of his focus had been drained as he could not help the need to crack open a window curtain and peek at Rey, the concern for her consuming him. He resolved that today was going to be productive, spent entirely on catching up with the words that had rather been spoken to the small three-bunned girl next door, and not written on his paper. . </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Not wasted words</span>
  </em>
  <span>, never wasted when spoken to her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But then, </span>
  <em>
    <span>why the hell</span>
  </em>
  <span> was it so hot in there? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ben always slept with all the lights off and blinding curtains closed, liking to feel enclosed and embraced by the absence of light; it was peaceful. Yet ever since Rey had disclosed the imminent danger she lived in, he found himself constantly restless and started leaving it just a crack open.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He would wake up when the sun rose to check outside for any signs of trouble, and to start his day early with a jog around the block a few hours later. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He padded along the dark room, almost tearing his shirt off in desperation only to be left in the dark again once he flicked the light switch on. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>. The power was out. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That explains the overheated room, the AC had been off all morning, apparently on the hottest day of summer. Exercise was not an option anymore, as he was sure he’d pass out at the slightest attempt of effort outside. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Those who spoke about this place were right, it truly was a hellhole... well, for the most part. Some people who lived there made up for it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After running a cold refreshing bath and heading downstairs, the heaviest realization struck in, wondering how that wasn’t the first thing to come up into his mind after waking up. Perhaps the temperature truly messed with your reason. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He couldn’t make breakfast or brew coffee or... </span>
  <em>
    <span>shit</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he would not be able to work either. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There goes another day, actually wasted this time. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>God hope the outage doesn’t last all day, for now his only choice was to go out and look for a place with WiFi, and food. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>If he wanted to save the trip downtown though, he could always use a book for his research.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Well, not anymore. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Everything seemed to only get worse and worse by the second today. The more he thought of options to work around having no power on the hottest day so far, the more he ran out of them.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He couldn’t ask for a gift back, that would be ridiculous. And to make things worse, Rey’s gift? Not possible.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>An image of Rey with her nose stuck in a book,</span>
  <em>
    <span> his book</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and her chestnut hair falling over her forehead as she moved a strand behind her ear flashed behind his eyes. Without realizing, Ben grinned at nothing as he stared at the floor, but quickly brushed it off when the expert at interruption decided to bark at its owner. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you want, tasmanian devil?” Taking the cue, Moose circled around his owner and then ran to the door, signaling a need to go out.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, right. We don’t want you leaving any surprises like last time do we?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ben decided against taking Moose along for today, since most establishments downtown weren’t pet friendly, and leaving him out at such temperatures would not be either. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After serving enough food and water for the day, Ben could not help but peek out to the other yard and check if the girl next door was around, but disappointedly walked out to his truck when he didn’t see her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Of course she’d be working, what did he expect? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>... Only, she wasn’t. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He pressed on the breaks and stopped before her house, but was disappointed once again after the only thing there was that... monster, the book ripper, mumbling to himself angrily by the garage. Not Rey. So she wasn’t working today then. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Excuse me?” He may have not found who he was initially looking for, but perhaps the man could be civil for once.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What?! Oh, you. What do you want?” The man snapped back. Ben would understand any other person having an attitude on a day like this, but that man was inexcusable. His grip on the steering wheel tightened, but he managed to keep his cool. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Is your power also out?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well what do you think, moron? The whole block’s out until tomorrow.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Shit</span>
  </em>
  <span>. This would be the longest day of his damned life. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tomorrow?!” Ben resounded, unbelievably. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s what I just said. What are you, stupid or somethin’?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ben’s patience had not been tested like this in a long time, but it was starting to wafer thin by the second. He needed to calm himself, think of good things, nice things, nice... people. Yeah, that was the one. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He cleared his throat and continued. The annoyance on each of their faces was clear as day, but for completely different reasons. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Is Rey around?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The change of topic also changed the man’s expression, a confused yet surprised look now plastered on his unflattering features. He was not mocking anymore, or annoyed. The man’s eyes now reflected a serious ill concern and curiosity, the kind that killed the cat. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“She’s out. Why do you care?” Oh so now he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>worried</span>
  </em>
  <span>, portraying a guarding look that could drill holes into one’s skull. The man looked almost... </span>
  <em>
    <span>menacing</span>
  </em>
  <span>. How dare he? After how he had hurt her, perhaps not physically, but such non direct violence could also be wrecking, leaving the deepest of scars, those that could not be seen, just carried. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, nothing, just need to check up on this old thing. Later then.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“How do you know her name?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Shit, he didn’t know they’d already met. Fucking idiot, he just gave them away. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Even if Rey barely mentioned the man- or well </span>
  <em>
    <span>never, </span>
  </em>
  <span>save for that one time, Ben had caught onto this man’s drift since the first time they crossed paths on this very sidewalk, the one he claimed was his. The extents of his actions were still unbeknownst to Ben until the night Rey decided to open up to him, disclosing very intimate feelings, but this time willingly. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Think Ben, think. You’re smart but sometimes just so stupid, come on.</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Um, well..” It was time to get back at this man’s scrutiny, at least once. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Unlike others, she had the courtesy of introducing herself when I arrived.” That made his blob of a jaw slam shut, turning his eyes into daggers as he stared at Ben dumbfounded. Nice one. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Have a nice day.” And with that, he smirked to himself, driving away.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Despite how he had just turned around this entire dynamic to his side and shut his spiteful neighbor once and for all, Ben could not help but think back to Rey, and the possible consequences of this encounter. Did he just put her in danger? Would this man retaliate against her for even talking to him? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He’d be lying to himself if he said he didn’t feel guilty, both after the night they met and the night he gave her the book. Ben only meant to make Rey feel better, and perhaps find ways to get her to talk to him as often as possible. Ben knew his person was not interesting enough, so he handed her the most content-rich and interesting thing in his possession, a book. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>How lame, his traitorous subconscious resounded. The light in her eyes when she saw it expressed very differently, though. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But then, Rey had shattered his blinding delight when she said she couldn’t take it. At the end, it almost felt like she took it out of pity, as he found it impossible to hide his broken hopes in that moment, leaving it to the darkness of the night to mask it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>She did hug you, remember? </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>On the verge of wanting to be swallowed whole by the earth, she had come in unexpectedly with an act so kind and warm he was sure the sun would have to double its efforts after it. With that hug, every little piece of him had been picked back up and placed exactly where it belonged. He was just... too struck by the act to hug her back. Stupid. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He seemingly could not get out of his head just how impossibly small Rey was either, first noticing it during the embrace when she reached up to whisper in his ear. That had made every single hair on him stand on its end. Any kind of distraction was direly needed; he needed to get back on track, finish what he started and came here to do. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>//</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah, welcome back my boy, sooner than I expected. “ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi Maz. How’s it been? Perhaps rather lonely without me.” This little old lady had been one of the only beings on this planet whom Ben showed his true colors to.  It felt nice to see her again. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Now don’t flatter yourself. Today’s busier than usual so why don’t you come and give a hand to this old woman.” She was hastily scrubbing the tables clean as she picked up the mugs and plates. Neither her advanced age nor size were able to  hinder her ability to keep this place going at full steam. It was definitely something admirable. The other two guys were behind the counter, taking and preparing the long line of orders with a seeming ease. Maz had trained them well. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes ma’am.” Ben responded as he went forward to take the cutleries, when she swatted his hand away and handed him the towel instead. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No no, you Solo men have greasy fingers.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Oh, in </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>she was right.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Now tell me, what brought you here today?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“First, lunch.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Which is already being made, I know.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But I came in five minutes ago..” Ben retorted, but he was inwardly not as surprised as he should be. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Time... is indispensable, my dear boy. And second?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Second. Work. I have to advance on my thesis, but the power’s out back at the house, and I can’t seem to get a single bar of service.“</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah yes, perks of an old town. Well you’re welcome to use my small collection of books, but I don’t think they reach your level anymore.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s alright, I can research.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Research? On those devices you mean? Well, not here.” She turned her face to look at the barista and cashier. “Those two have begged for it, but I like to keep this place free of those harmful signals.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>got </span>
  </em>
  <span>to be kidding.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t have WiFi?! How does this place even get customers?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Watch it, boy. This is a place to free your mind, not to poison it.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ah, old people had their perks indeed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Is there any other place I can go to, you know, for normal people?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Maz swatted again at his hands with a towel. Just how many did she have?  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ow! That was uncalled for.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I warned you. Well, you can always go to the library.” Perfect, just perfect. Finally, something was seeming to work his way today, </span>
  <em>
    <span>but wait... </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“A library? Here? Since when?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“This place may be old, but its still growing. You could say it’s new, opened just a few years back. I still can’t believe how many people were against opening it, but I’m glad it did. Schools are scattered and education is meager, but that was a big step. “ </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That explained her choice of keeping stocked up on books in her shop. Good ol’ Maz, always thinking of others. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So that’s how you’ve changed almost all of your books.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“All except yours and one other, yes.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Which one?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“My dear Rey’s flower book; she’s the one who’s helped keep a fresh variety of books, whenever she can that is. So stubborn, that child, always refuses my tips for the runs. That reminds me... how are you two getting along?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He had not realized that at the mention of her name, he’d stared past Maz onto the entrance door, where he’d helped her up a few weeks ago. With that question, his protruding ears had betrayed him by turning beat read.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Um... she’s really nice, a good friend.”</span>
  <em>
    <span> Really Solo? You can’t even keep your head straight about her. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>If Maz noticed his nerves, she didn’t mention it, instead keeping her focus on arranging the bookshelves before her small frame as Ben towered cowardly beside her. Afterwards, she just hummed understandingly in agreement, so he decided to resolve one of his doubts and ease the awkward tension.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Speaking of... have you seen her? Today, I mean.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sadly, no. I haven’t seen her in weeks. Why do you ask?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh...no, just curious.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The serving bell from the counter chimed, making them both turn around to see his food packed and ready to go... even if he hadn’t explicitly asked. Well, he didn’t even place the order himself, so he wasn’t fathomed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Would you look at the time! You better hurry my boy, the library closes early on Fridays and you only got a  little time left. “ She hurriedly handed him his cup of coffee and a paper bag that had the scent of his childhood. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you, Maz. How do I get there?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Just go a few blocks down this same road and you’ll spot it. Off you go now...” She scurried him out by the arm, eliciting a chuckle of amusement out of him at her audacity. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“See you soon Maz.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah yeah, you better. Goodbye now!” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He walked off, not wanting to take away any more of her time as the customer line now reached the door and the tables he cleaned were occupied quickly after. Perhaps that was the reason for her hurry. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A flustered Poe was staring back when she walked in, noticing the bead of sweat as he packaged yet another order. She had taught him and Finn well, and both were efficient under or without pressure. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Maz?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, my boy?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Rey left her tea again, maybe you wanna take it before it gets cold?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh that child, always in a hurry, just like a shooting star. Hand it over, a little sugar never hurt nobody.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>//</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maz had been right; the new installment was hard to miss driving down the road, its stark white walls now staring back as he leveled up the steps towards the entrance. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ben looked around in confusion at the paramount number of people of all ages and kinds that upped and downed, entering and exiting the building. Didn’t Maz say this place was about to close? It sure didn’t seem like it. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The Jakku Public Library protruded among all other buildings around town. He would be lying if he didn’t admit that giving such importance to knowledge and education in this forsaken place granted him some sort of outer-self pride. Ben just hoped the texts were as complex as the requirements for his work.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The outside looked Greekly professional, but the inside was warmly lit and rustic, its shelves adorning the entire left wing and off to the distant back. Ben spotted a few families sharing tables, and a couple discussing a text as they shared its pages. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Good day! How may I help you?” He was greeted at the front desk by a rather small woman, with bold reading glasses that took almost half of her face. She held a gleaming smile, similar to the one he had received each night, but not quite reaching its level. Her librarian tag read “Rose,” it seemed almost convenient for her bubbly attitude. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi um, I’d just like to get the WiFi password please.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With that, her smile faded. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh no, this can’t be. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry but... we don’t have WiFi here. “</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You serious?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I feel you. I have to use up all my data and today the service seems to be down. You’re welcome to use one of the computers though, but that comes with a fee.” She flashed him a half apologetic smile, seemingly aware that it wasn’t the best choice. And judging by the look of the computers, it would surely take more time to start them then to look something up.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I think I’d rather not, thank you. Got any texts on astronomy?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh yeah, to your left on the last shelf, over there.” When he turned around to see where she was pointing, a pot that adorned one of the gathering tables caught his attention instead. It contained a variety of colorful flowers, quite vibrant among the wooden furniture. A stubborn tiny grease stained girl with a blinding smile would like those flowers…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And books about flowers?” The librarian Rose let out a giggle a bit too loud for a library that made Ben’s head snap back. She was the complete opposite of the typical old grumpy lady librarian stereotype. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s so funny?” He asked quizzically, but in no ill intended way.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh it's nothing, you just reminded me of a friend. Books on gardening and horticulture are on the rack near the couches, to your right.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you.” He granted her a tight lipped smile before he moved. Rose was the nicest librarian he’d ever met to this day. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Before reaching the couch, a small frame that reached his thigh at most bumped into it, startling him to a stop.  Looking down Ben took in the sight of probably the smallest child his eyes had beheld, with wild carrot colored hair. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry, my bad.” The child looked on the verge of tears, flustered and perhaps confused. “Hey, are you lost?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Of course I’m not! </span>
  </em>
  <span>No one gets lost in a library.” Oh so she was defiant, spoiled, perhaps.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When she looked up to retort back, but her features softened.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Woah, you’re like... really tall. “</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I guess so?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Can you help me? I just... I can’t reach a book, it's over there.” She pointed at the rack right next to him, which held a sign that read “For Sale” in bold red letters. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“The one at the very top, </span>
  <em>
    <span>pleaseeee</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”  Was she... pouting at him? She didn’t need to plead, as Ben didn’t even need to stretch half his arm to reach it. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Little Women huh? Great choice but, isn’t this a bit advanced for your age?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“The title says it's for Little Women, and that’s what I am, </span>
  <em>
    <span>duh</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Thank you Mister Tall Guy.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You shouldn’t be here all by yourself, you know?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not, my mother fell asleep while I read to her.” Yeah, he knew all about uninterested or “always tired” parents, but at least her’s kept her company, for the most part.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well you better get back before she wakes up.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah, yeah, ok </span>
  <em>
    <span>dad</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “ Ben chuckled and shook his head as the little girl walked past him, book comically large in the clutch of her hands. She almost reminded him of a cartoon character. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He was surprised by himself and how much he had interacted with strangers today, never really speaking as much as these last encounters to almost anyone back on campus. Everyone was always so busy, or already hanging out with their exclusive “clique” of friends. So childish. He had more important things to do, which reminded him of what he came all this way to complete. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Before taking a step to continue his trail, she heard the little girl behind him squeal.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry, I’m so sorry, I wasn’t looking.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Ugh</span>
  </em>
  <span>, why is everyone bumping into me today?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The apologetic voice was peculiar, familiar almost, making him turn around just to see-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ben?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>OFC the little girl was inspired on Studio Ghibli's Ponyo. Who could have bumped into her, I wonder?? Jeje</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Counterarguments</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"Life is the flower you have to help grow. Will you?'</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Longest chapter yet! Hope you enjoy.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>Breathe, Rey. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Breathe.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s never been that easy, and you know that. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Yes, but I have to make it. I have to get out. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She woke a few minutes too late to leave unnoticed, and the beast who now roamed above would soon storm down demandingly.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tightly holding the heavy text to her chest, Rey mindfully spoke these words to herself as she envisioned the steps she had to take on her way out- </span>
  <em>
    <span>safely</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>All you have to do is walk out quickly, don’t look back. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was almost as if the world had stopped for a couple of moments, the bead of sweat on her forehead that left a cold trace down suddenly stopped, and she took a deep breath in to tribute her own advice. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rey thanked the heavens for rising just early enough to get ready after realizing the power had been out all morning, meaning she could take the day off. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>If </span>
  </em>
  <span>she could make it out with a book in hand, that is.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>No sound came from above, the only noise being the heartbeats that pounded in her chest. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Now Rey, this is your chance.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Go</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She stood all too fast from the couch, only able to tie her laces at the nick of time and clutching the “Death Star” like her life depended on it. Reaching the door seemed so far despite only taking seconds to get to it, and as she closed the door behind her, Rey let out the longest breath she had ever held.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Those first seconds of freedom had almost become an addiction, making her skin pebble at the feeling of being able to wander outside these walls everytime.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Just as her leg stretched to take a second step, her skin froze once again, but for a completely parallel reason. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The door creaked open, stopping her still as a statue, the only response she could commute was pressing the book even harder to herself, if that was even possible. It was almost a self defense mechanism, embracing herself and recoiling from every prior euphoric emotion. She did not turn around, she did not take another step, she did not even breathe. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Girl. Where do you think you’re going?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Out. To get what’s missing.” Rey surprised herself by the collected words she was able to muster. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Without my permission?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She had not asked for that in a long time now... But she was not going to debate back either, not right now when her object of fascination could be put in danger. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry, it won’t happen again.” For some reason, her eyes and lips stayed parted, never closing or blinking. At this point, she was not even sure if she had actually spoken any words at all. This just had to be a bad dream concocted by so many hungry nights. Yet, she felt proud at her composure, her guarded back still facing the man in the entrance behind her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well don’t forget any of my shit, you hear me?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes. I won’t.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The sound of the door closing with a slam seemed to trickle down the house of cards that were her nerves. A shiver sped down her back and disappeared in an instant, just before she sprinted her way down the street, still clutching the book from view. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After that, Rey had paid Maz a quicker than usual visit, feeling way too eager to get her hands on her gift- Ben’s gift- for her. Luckily, she knew just the right place to get nose deep in the reading without being bothered. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The library had definitely been the right place to settle in that day, as she now found herself feeling just as breathless as earlier, when the person who had given meaning to her entire day, or weeks prior for that matter, was now staring back at her with just the same disbelief. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ben?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He surprisingly was nowhere near an area that she assumed would be of his interest. Rey had not seen a single flower adorning his backyard. Was he...lost? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Rey... um wha- what are you doing here?” He stumbled out nervously. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That sparked some mischief in her eyes, unable to contain her grin and biting her lip before remarking. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well I was clearly looking for a place to swim- since it's soo hot out.” She rolled her eyes sarcastically and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, making his traitorous subconscious wish it would’ve been his hand doing that instead. That sparked his imagination to envision her by a pool, taking a dive, rather underdressed in a bathing suit- </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Stop it, you’re being a creep you idiot.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>At his loss for words, she continued,</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <span>should be the one asking- what are you doing around here? I didn’t take you for a Louisa Alcott fan; much less a nature and gardening guy...” she motioned to his right where another copy of the book he had just handed to the little redhead girl resided. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rey noticed how the tip of his protruding ears had turned red as a beat; that always gave his nerves away that hid under that cold facade.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh no, that- that wasn’t for me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>An obscure feeling pulled at her heart strings, but no, it wasn’t jealousy, it was just confusion. She would not admit what it truly was to herself. But she could not help but wonder, was he gifting books to someone else? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ben noticed how her eyes averted down for the split of a second, yet had no clue as to why, so he decided to clarify. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I just helped that little girl reach it- the one you just bumped into.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her eyes snapped back up and widened all the same with bewilderment, as if she had just realized something. Ben could only do so much as stare back at those round hazel irises that he could swear one could get lost in. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew </span>
  </em>
  <span>it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re nicer than you give yourself credit for.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The words that rolled out of her tongue knocked a blow potent enough to leave Ben breathless. He felt elevated, almost like flying, when in reality he had taken a few steps forward without noticing. Perhaps to make sure this was real, that a beautiful girl with honey brown eyes and the widest most enticing smile he had ever seen was really standing in front of him, speaking those words about him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“This summer has been full of surprises.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She chuckled and bit her lip, and only then did he realize he was close enough to sway the hairs that haloed her face with his own breath. She didn’t seem to mind it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Good ones?” She asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Very.” He responded.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>In that moment he realized he had been too lost in her eyes to notice how she embraced something tighter to her chest with each step forward he took.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was his book…</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>So this is where she would keep it safe.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ben mentally noted how peculiar it was for someone to bring a book to a library, instead of taking one. Nonetheless, Rey was peculiar, unlike anyone he had met before, but in the best way possible. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He lifted his right hand and the world seemed to slow down around them, making Rey assume for a split second that he was going to caress her hair, or even her cheek. But of course, it was too good to be true, as he instead pointed at the book in her arms but held her gaze as if she were the only person in the whole building.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Let me tell you the story behind this book.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With the same hand, Ben took hers to guide them. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait wha- behind?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>//</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They settled for a table far from the crowd, as Rey had earned some harsh stares after blurting out at Ben. She could feel how excited he was to say whatever he was going to by his pace and the grip on her hand, which left a tender spot after they detached. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ben was caught off guard when Rey chose the chair next to his, and not from across. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Setting the book down, she took in once again just how eye catching the cover was. Gold and red lettering was accompanied by a black background, splattered with sparks to resemble outer space. It was so beautiful, and she could not believe it was hers, much less believe the man in front of her was the one who gave it to her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ben hold on, what did you mean?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He crouched to hold her gaze as even sitting down he towered above. Ben stretched his hand toward the book and asked gently, almost in a whisper: “May I?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Clearly just as bewitched as she had been since the night that book became her own, he caressed its cover, passing each finger over the captivating letters before cracking it open. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Rey... the man who wrote this book... was my grandfather.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He pronounced it almost as if he was unveiling one of the universe’s darkest secrets, but Rey’s reaction acknowledged the feeling just the same, staring back at him with eyes full of wonder and curiosity. Ben only half smiled back, yet she could discern the pride this brought him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>What?! </span>
  </em>
  <span>Darth Vader is yo-“ She blurted in a gasp. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Shhh!” Several heads shut back at her excited noise, eliciting an eye roll when she snapped back. “Sorry!” She voiced back. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ugh. So lame.” She whispered back to Ben, and she was rewarded with one of his exclusive and rare chuckles. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“This is a library, after all.” He said jokingly. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She gawked back to seem mad, but failed miserably at hiding her smile.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ben Solo, you were the one who wanted to talk in the first place! Now I’m not leaving until you tell me everything.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t want you to.” This might have been the fifth or hundredth time they’d held each other's gaze today; Rey had lost count as she dwelled in his once more. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You better get started then.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He took a breath in. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“My grandfather... was the first man to step on the moon.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>For the next hour, Rey’s mouth only opened wider in awe at each detail of Ben’s family history. She had thought him talking about his career was passionate, but Ben talking about his grandfather ten-folded on pride and admiration for the man known as Anakin Skywalker, his real name.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Scientist, astronaut, inventor and legend, the father of Ben’s mother took a step that defined history as they knew it- literally. He embarked on the Styx River of discovery- crossing the dark and mysterious space to get the rock orbiting earth, where no mortal had ever been before. But this was no deed one could do alone, as the journey to the moon was a complimentary accomplishment of his- </span>
  <em>
    <span>their </span>
  </em>
  <span>research. His companion and former friend was also a key piece of the expedition with the goal to study lunar composition and grounds to settle a space station for future missions and research. Anakin had worked alongside Obi Wan Kenobi for almost a decade; Ben, as his close ones called him, being the one to basically introduce the field of study to his young friend, and eventually both following it together. Yet, his idea of a settlement sparked a new, better idea for a creation in Anakin. When they returned from the moon in ‘69, among the peak times of the Cold War, he envisioned the perfect defense, a weapon so powerful no one would ever dare defy, and encouraged Kenobi to compliment his studies on the possibilities for settling on the moon to his project- installing the deadliest nuclear weapon known to mankind in the biggest crater on the moon. Anakin was soon blinded by his ambition- seeking audiences and acceptance from anyone he came across in order to get funds for his plans. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>According to Ben’s retelling of the story, Obi Wan was enraged with jealousy when Skywalker was instead offered the opportunity to join those who would give him the recognition he thirsted after all those years, the Russians. Sheev Palpatine, leader of what was then known as The Empire, America’s greatest enemy during the Space Races and The Cold War itself, was able to give Anakin all the resources and funds he desired- whatever it took to become the world’s reigning power. Obi Wan begged him to rethink his choices, instigated what leaving his life behind would become, the consequence of his actions and the possible end of times if the weapon was ever fired. Feeling betrayed by his own almost brother, Anakin had no choice but to leave with those who promised greatness, and took all their pages of study with him. All but one, which Kenobi had retracted in retaliation, obviously choosing a vital piece so Anakin would never complete his plans. Anakin would soon after disappear when an exploration voyage ship malfunctioned before reaching the stratosphere and crashed in the ocean to never be found again. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hold on a second... does the name Obi Wan also sound familiar to you?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well that is because he was the one who wrote the children’s book in Maz’s shop. After causing my grandfather so much pain, he carried the guilt of his tragic fate- as he should have- and decided to restart his life, redefine his purpose by teaching young children and writing books, seeking to regain his innocence at any cost. Still, that would never erase the fact that he’s a traitor.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well I see it like he was trying to keep Anakin from leaving the light.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, you know how the Russians were shown as the evil bad guys in all the propaganda, like they were from the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Dark Side.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” She pronounced gravely almost mimicking his voice.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“The Soviets were innovative geniuses, leading the Space Race by being the first ones to send an animal, a satellite, a man, and a woman to space. They did everything except put a man on the moon."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"And that's why I think it was fake! Just think about it, when it comes to space technology the Soviets were much more advanced than the Americans, so how is it possible that without the proper trials they were able to put a man on the moon before them? It was clearly set up to take the upper hand..."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ben had debated countless times about this exact topic before, defying all conspiracies against it, yet always cautious to keep his lineage a secret. It was even part of his thesis for Christ’s sake. But it had been to no avail, Rey’s simple and direct words left him perplexed, unable to formulate a single counter stance. To his own surprise though, Ben was not hit with spite after her statement, on the contrary, the way she challenged him only made his fascination for her grow. No one had ever stood up to him without thinking twice, in or out of class, much less with such confidence and not a single thread of fear. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A star as bright as her would be hard to budge. She truly was something... otherworldly. He chuckled at himself mentally for the pun.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ben? Oh Gosh I’m so sorry I didn't mean to offend... but I just got carried away-“ she covered her face with tiny hands, comically making herself look smaller.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hesitantly, he swayed her hands away from her face to reveal the most stunning blushed and freckled cheeks, paralleled with concerned brows and eyes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"It's alright." he chuckled. "But, you were wrong."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was impressive how someone's expression could transform so quickly, her blush snapping into a fierce defiant scowl, ready for defense. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"</span>
  <em>
    <span>Your</span>
  </em>
  <span> defiance will be the one to shake the stars, the cosmos even." She could only gasp and follow it up with a giggle. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"And I am convinced, Ben Solo, that you are just a character ripped straight out of a Jules Verne book.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The unforgiving universe that he'd dedicate his life's work to was not playing fair, as he found himself utterly encompassed by the light she radiated, worthy of a star itself. It was impossible to not feel drawn in like a moth, her intensity only increasing by the second as Ben became more vulnerable than he had even felt before, just when he was around her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah, I come from a cluster of really bright stars-" He stopped himself and reconsidered, maybe it wasn't time to expose his deepest sorrows and risk scaring her away. Ben just hoped she didn't notice. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But you’re afraid... that you’ll never be enough.” She interrupted his thoughts by finishing his own sentence. As they held each other’s stare, Ben realized that she knew him better than anyone, even himself. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She sighed, giving him an earnest and almost nostalgic, as if she had lived this moment or had felt what he was feeling before. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ben, it’s not about where you came from, what matters is who you choose to become. In the meantime, you do not have to be whole in order to shine.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“How are you so sure?” He asked, making her bright demeanor falter.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, just look at the moon.” She declared, making him certain that Rey could be the moon herself, just so he could stare at her for longer every night. It was absurd really, how in a matter of weeks someone had been able to know more about him than anyone in his entire life. She broke down his walls, but just enough to let the much needed light of hers in, enough to warm him from the inside. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She closed the book with a slap, bringing him back to reality. “Hey, let’s get out of here. There’s a place I want to show you.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And then she grabbed his hand and led him out just like he had a few moments before.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>//</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her tongue had become his new fascination, forget the stars, fuck the cosmos, he could die a happy man in this moment. The way it worked so wetly with a purpose, a vengeance almost it seemed. She was driving him to the verge of madness, and he would gladly take the front seat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her eyes were another delicately furious torture device, as she looked at her prey in question with such focus, never tearing their honey color apart from it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ben could only do so much as stare as she lapped her tongue once and twice again over her apparent favorite thing: an ice cream cone.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>To be more specific, a caramel and vanilla scoop that now dripped down her fingers, calling for her tongue to also make its magical work there.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rey had proven to be more defying and stubborn than he initially thought she was. Ben insisted on taking his car wherever she would drag him to- even the edge of the world, all she needed was ask. But instead, she gripped his wrist tighter and dragged his tall frame along the sidewalk, not even letting him take in the surroundings as all his focus shifted to the relentless petite woman beside him. Ben empathized with Moose in this moment, being walked along fiercely, not minding the destination as long as it was her who took him there. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rey had stopped abruptly at the curve, almost making him fall as her eyes glistened with marvel. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Would you like an adventure now, or should we have some ice cream first?” She had gasped in a dreamy haze, which only lasted a second before he promptly turned her down. He wasn’t into sweets-</span>
  <em>
    <span>but you have been into sweet people lately</span>
  </em>
  <span>-his traitorous mind had whispered. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The man at the stand mustered a grin of pride after a delighted Rey stated “It’s wonderful! You should be very proud,” with a moan of pleasure, as it was the first time she had tasted it. At this pace, Ben would have to lock himself in a nuthouse by the end of the day. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“She only comes by every few weeks, but I always look forward to her saying that. It gets me every time.” He chuckled out. Acts and words of kindness seemed to come unprovoked out of Rey, almost on second nature with no desire to earn anything from them. Just like the errands she ran for Maz but also refused to be paid back for. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Did Maz know Rey was at the library? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Did she lie to set him up? If so, he would have to thank her, someday. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Now, her treat was long gone as they stood a few blocks farther from the stand. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ben could only sense the sweetness and the nerves from the essence of her palms that now covered his face. Rey would not let him turn around, confidently playing tricks while he could clearly see through to her hesitation, or rather feel the sweat that exuded her hands. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>What could be going on with the place? Was she embarrassed? Or worse, did she regret bringing him here? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>God if only she knew he would love to go anywhere, with her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“This place is my favorite in this entire town. The entire world, really.” She squeaked, unable to keep her feet grounded still. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I can only imagine...literally.” He said in a sarcastic chuckle. Ben could hear a large crowd around them, positively joyful and busy, resembling a hive. Beyond the smell of her soft hands on him, he could sense a faint aroma of ground, and freshness. Where were they? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“This... is the only place where I enjoy being alone.” She said with a small quiver in her words. Does that mean she’s never brought anyone else here? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ben felt like he could combust at any moment, so he channeled all unprecedented feelings to reach and place his hands above hers. He didn’t care to see where they were anymore, he was just glad he was there with her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re not alone.” He said as he caressed Rey’s fingers with his own. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Neither are you.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The words seemed to gather the courage Rey needed to unblind him, as she slowly turned his frame, coming down from reaching on her tiptoes to let there be light. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ben took in the sight before them. All of his doubts resolved as he stared at all the stands and arrangements, and looked up to read the entrance sign. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Jakku Botanical Gardens”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her excitement lived up to the place. It had a striking resemblance to a park, only it was covered by a glass dome roof, making great work of refracting the midday sunlight which only brightened the explosion of colors that adorned its insides. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ben noticed how no one seemed to visit this place by themselves; entire families roaming in and out, couples handing each other bouquets, and even elder women carrying bags along with their friends. It made the place look even more alive, somehow. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But Rey wasn’t alone anymore. He would bring her here as many times as she wanted.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He felt a warm trail along his wrist once more, comforting and gentle as Rey nudged him out of his trance. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Shall we?” She asked, looking up at him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“After you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>//</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He thought ice cream cones were her favorite thing, what made her the happiest. He had been wrong.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rey was brighter than the sun shining through the glass walls of the gardens as she strode down greeting every stand owner along the way, all seeming to know and be fond of her. Who possibly couldn’t be? He did know someone, but he would not dim the light she emanated by thinking of him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Never letting go of her hand, she pulled him along, without a single care for some of the estranged glances the clerks and guests shot their way. Ben did not care for any of those people either, but growing up as an overly insecure kid made him overly sensitive and self conscious.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Thankfully, Rey was there to busy his mind away. All the way from how cacti can survive for years between rainstorms by living off their water storage to the Latin origin of the word </span>
  <em>
    <span>kaktos</span>
  </em>
  <span>, or the way both rose and daisy petals are consumable- and rich in vitamin C for all matters, even sneakily making him munch on one as they both barely contained their chuckles at his expression.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rey stopped by every single flower of her interest to explain everything she knew about it; its origin, its sprouting season, uses, aromas, care keeping, and what it symbolized. It was almost as if she felt connected to each plant in the place, taking in each life form around her and being kind to it with such essence and adoration. He could only wish for her to see him that same way, some day. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That was until she stopped cold in her tracks and gasped. They were well in, near the end section of the gardens when she covered her mouth in awe, eyes glistening with delight with whatever took her breath away that was now upfront, he could just not discern what. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh my heavens. They’re finally here.” She said in disbelief, and slowly stepped forward to grab the thing in question.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ben, look!” Rey looked back and extended her hand at him for Ben to grab and step closer.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“These are my favorite flowers in the entire world.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>For some reason, Rey just stared, mouth agape without moving, pushing him to take the chance to grab one of the flowers in question. Ben agreed, its faint purple and turquoise gradient captivated his senses along the softness of its petals, not to mention its aroma, reminding him of fresh laundry and clean spaces. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Finally?" Ben asked, using the same word.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh! Well you see...lavender does thrive under full sun and warm summer weather like we have here, but there is only one person who brings it over to sell, and she only comes by once a month. People here are mostly into roses, which I really don’t understand since they dry and die so quickly-“ Ben could not hold back the smile Rey emitted from him as she blabbered on about the perfect soil, temperature, time and humidity for said flower to grow in. But there was something still unclear to him...</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And why is it your favorite of them all?” Ben asked as he brought the long stem to his face, taking a deep breath in. “Besides how it smells, of course.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Um well, they’re a really pretty color I guess.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And...?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And... they look pretty as decorations...”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on, that can’t be it. Won’t you tell me?” He said with a pout, full on whining which she awarded with a full out chuckle. At her lack of response, he passed the single flower by her face, and when he noticed her start flinching away, not in spite but with a smile he realized that... she was ticklish. Ben took advantage of this discovery and swayed it around her neck as she struggled to grip his arms away and fight for her life. “I won’t stop until you tell me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright! Alright! I’ll tell you.” Rey admitted her defeat and took his hand in both of hers to bring the flower on her face level.  “I’m listening...”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rey averted her eyes, and for a second he wondered if he had been too forward or pushy. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So... there’s this song, a lullaby really, like the one I was singing the day we met.” Even if it wasn’t in the proper context, the word “we” made his heart flip in his chest and down to his stomach. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And you can hear it on one condition.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Anything.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“One of us has to close their eyes. I can’t sing when people are looking.” That reminded Ben of how far away from the crowd this corner was, secluded by towering arrangements, only his head passed over them. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yours. I get to see.” He </span>
  <em>
    <span>needed </span>
  </em>
  <span>to see. Her melodies from that night carved themselves into his brain, now he just needed the image to be done for.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright then.” She took a lasting glance under extensive eyelashes and chuckled as he closed in the lavender stem to resemble a microphone, until she closed her eyes and exhaled a puff. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A heartbeat. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Two, and three and- </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Lavender’s blue, dilly dilly</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Lavender’s green</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>When I am king, dilly dilly you shall be queen</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Who told you so, dilly, dilly</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Who told you so?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>'Twas my own heart, dilly, dilly</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>That told me so</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I love to dance-”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <span>She chuckled and faltered at that, but immediately inhaled and tranced back, clutching the flower even closer as his hand held it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“dilly, dilly</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I love to sing</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>When I am queen, dilly, dilly</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>You'll be my king”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ben unconsciously moved closer and closer, only a breath away as he could not help but stare at her mouth that created beautiful melodies, and the way her eyes creased even if they were closed. The sun drew into her like a beacon, a singularity basking in the light. It was impossible to not be drawn into the pit of her radiating warmth. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And he was falling, </span>
  <em>
    <span>hard</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Lavender's green, dilly, dilly</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Lavender's blue</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>If you love me-” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He just needed to move one inch, close the infinitely small space between them and surprise her by colliding like two stars that want to create a supernova.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“-dilly, dilly</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I will love y-”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Excuse me!  Are you going to buy that?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ben jumped back quick enough to avoid Rey’s notice, coming back to himself and noticing the huge mistake he was a mere hair’s length away from making. It all flashed before his eyes in one second, the scared and betrayed look she would’ve given him, her running off, the flower left on the ground…</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He needed to control himself, even if every time he was around her made it seem more impossible.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Now, a lady with matching lavender hair fiercely glared at him, until her eyes met with Rey’s and-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ms. Holdo!” Shea geeked with a beaming smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello dear, it's been a while…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah about a month or so.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And it seems like you’ve been busy.” the lady murmured as her eyes motioned towards a very oblivious Ben.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aren’t you going to introduce me to tall, lost and handsome over here?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, right! Ms. Holdo, this is my friend, Ben. Ben, this is Ms. Holdo, the best florist around.” Rey sounded proud, almost starstruck even if she apparently was well acquainted with this intriguing woman. It was only natural for her to look up to strong and self-leading women like Maz and Ms. Holdo, as she was one herself. A single sun with enough light to warm an entire system, all by itself. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>For some reason, the moment Rey mentioned his name Holdo’s eyes narrowed, and he could not discern if it was the usual mama bear mode that turned on to look out for Rey, or if she somehow recognized him from far away and long ago, and she could just not pinpoint where. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nice to meet you Ben.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s my pleasure.” He mustered, courtly extending his hand and offering a tight lipped smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh! TIght hold you got there boy… and speaking of- those flowers you were holding- are you planning on taking them? If I don’t put them back in soil soon they won’t thrive…</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With the stem still gripped in her hands, Rey looked down at them, almost melancholically, like saying goodbye. That made Ben take a momentarily bold and perhaps reckoning choice and opened his mouth.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, I-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Actually, we were just looking.” Rey cut in, slashing his move in half faster than one could even take the sword from its sheath. He should be shaken, yet he could not help but notice how her colors had dimmed on her expression and wondered what could have possibly gone wrong in the past thirty seconds…</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Without giving him a chance to respond, Rey set the flower back and excused them to leave, explaining how late  they were running, even if the day was barely grazing the afternoon. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Come back soon dear!” was the last thing he heard before Rey started walking out and back all the blocks down to his car. This time she didn’t drag him by the hand. Something had definitely pulled her heartstrings down, and he was already thinking of a way to amend it even if he didn’t know what it was. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ben didn't let the awkward silence inside the car linger for long by turning on the engine and driving away. Her longing stare out the window made his stomach plumett enough to oblige how this was the first time he had her in his car, alone in a closed space without anyone around to interrupt. But it wasn't like she would care, anyways. Ben simply assumed she wanted to go home, since she did not muster a word at the roads he took on the way back. He did not dare look her way and add on to the tense aura if she caught him, instead glueing his eyes ahead. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t get me wrong, I did want one-” Rey finally mustered with a sigh, taking him by surprise but also relieving his nerves. Ben just looked her way and silently let her continue.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“-but, I’m afraid Ben. I’m afraid I’ll let it die.” Contrary to himself, Rey kept her eyes straight forward, never batting an eye at him. For so much light to be contained in such a small person, he found it rather curious how hard it was for her to let some of the darkness seep through. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Where there is light, there will always be shadow, </span>
  </em>
  <span>or something along those lines of what Maz said once.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He contemplated reaching the hand he had on the gear out to her, for comfort, but bit back the thought and added instead: “You mean </span>
  <em>
    <span>you’ve </span>
  </em>
  <span>never grown a flower before?” Ben had been too focused on her face every day prior to notice the yard behind her, much less take into account if plants were present. He had never cared for such decorations; a living thing you need to take constant care of just because it looks pretty? No thank you. His mother’s gardening mayhem drove him and his father crazy, and that had been enough plants and broken pots inside the house to scar a lifetime.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>This time she did look his way. “No, never. All I know is how to barely survive, and I would never forgive myself if I let something as precious perish at my fault. I just dont think I’m capable of keeping something else alive, other than myself.” She was breathing heavily now, fighting against herself, perhaps to keep the tears in or to let them out. He took the leap of faith.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Rey, I have never heard anyone know so much about plants than </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Everything you need to grow one, </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>know it. If there is someone capable of blooming an entire field, it's </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but all big things always start small. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Like a seed. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Life’s purpose is to flourish, after all.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mouth agape and eyes full of tears, Rey could only blink them away and bare a most charming smile that exceeded all lengths and widths. “Do you mean that?” Was all she could muster, and he did not hesitate to clear any doubt. “Every word.” “Thank you, Ben, really I- you’re just so kind to me.” “And you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>too </span>
  </em>
  <span>kind to everyone else.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> “One can never be </span>
  <em>
    <span>too </span>
  </em>
  <span>kind, it is what we need most yet there is never enough.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You also sound just like Maz.”  “Oh, bug off!” They both chuckled pleasantly, and Ben did not notice her stare linger enough to admire his profile, and keep it to memory.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rey could not put it all into words, and never thought she would ever voice this insecurity to anyone ever, not even Maz, but rooted deep down, whether it’s relationships or more simple things, like plants, all she could afford to do was long from afar, at a safe distance to keep away the trouble she would surely bring if she got too close. All her life she has been put in a position where there was literally no possible way there could be a positive outcome, consequently always choosing to single herself out as the one common denominator, as she must surely be the cause of everything and everyone around you either dying or leaving.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I just don't feel ready yet, and either way, I never make enough at work to get... </span>
  <em>
    <span>bloody hell!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>She shrieked, almost causing Ben to stop dead in his tracks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s wrong? Are you hurt?!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No! No...I’m just so stupid. I forgot to bring the groceries.” She rolled her eyes, clearly exhausted, and perched her head on her hands in despair. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s no problem, I’ll take you.” He answered back as he took the closest turn. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I think I’ll have to make an exception. </span>
  <em>
    <span>This </span>
  </em>
  <span>is being too kind.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>//</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>This had been the best day Rey had lived in...well, a very long while, if not forever. They walked along the aisles and laughed when she stood on the cart’s edge, pretending to be a captain. He offered so many times to get her every single thing she grabbed but put back on the shelf that she eventually gave in, letting him gift her a crunchy chocolate bar. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rey almost had to push him away from her house after he insisted on taking all her bags inside, clearly not fully aware of the imminent danger that would implicate for her and even the possibility of seeing him again any time soon. After that morning, she could only expect the worst. And now, as she yearned for this day to never end sitting on the couch with a view out the back, the exhaustion in her limbs ironically only made her giddier, her heart full of song and spark at spending an </span>
  <em>
    <span>entire </span>
  </em>
  <span>day with </span>
  <em>
    <span>him. </span>
  </em>
  <span>All her mind could replay were the moments where their gazes held each other’s, and his words played along like a narrator, an aerial being, almost like in a movie. It was too good to be true, but she missed him dearly already, making her hold tight onto her lone pillow, and lay down on it and dream the night away.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When she walked out back the next morning to find her ever-missing wrench, she was instead startled by the gleaming presence next to the fence. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Perched up onto its full glory, a single lavender stem stood in its pot, and to closer regard, she picked up a small card that laid on the soil top. Rey could barely manage to read what was on it, as tears welled up in her eyes and the sun only refracted the light brighter. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Life is the flower you have to help grow. Will you?” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He needn’t say more. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>